(no subject)

Megamind was … well, he was prancing. There really wasn’t another word for it. Metro Man suppressed a smile as he watched the lithe little villain circle around him, mouth pressed into a wide grin and hands wringing manically.

“As you can see,” he said with a flourish, one leather-clad finger pointing at Metro Man’s chest, “you are no match for my carbon fused, electro-magnetic trap! Your super-powers aren’t strong enough to combat my superior powers of intellect.”

Metro Man struggled against the bonds, which were, indeed quite strong. He had to hand it to the little guy, these electric … magnewhatevers really were quite ingenious. The harder he flexed, the tighter they became. He thrashed about, testing them further, and Megamind’s smile became so wide his face was in danger of cracking wide open.

“That may be true,” said Metro Man, struggling to get his feet underneath himself, “but you don’t need to be a brainiac to know right from wrong. Or good from evil.”

Megamind stared out over the city from their rooftop perch, hope blooming in his narrow chest. “Good, schmood,” he sneered. “What has being good done for you lately?” He pulled a small device out from under his cape and flipped up the cap with one thumb. “Evil, on the other hand, is about to make me very powerful and rich.”

Metro Man twisted against his bonds, then bucked into the air, smashing down against the gravel rooftop. The building shuddered, but his bindings did not give.

“And what, exactly is your evil plan?” he gasped.

Megamind bit his lip in a bout of suppressed glee and waggled the small device in Metro Man’s face.

“Well first, I’m going to blow up this abandoned building with you in it, and then I’m going to take over Metrocity. I will force the weak minded people of this town to do my bidding and bend them to my will!” He let out a deep, throaty laugh that fizzled into a shrill giggle, which he tried to hide with a cough. “Ahem! Well, I’d love to stay and chat about old times, but it seems I have a party to attend. A wake, for my old friend Metro Man.” He pressed the red button atop the device, then spun around to show the timer. “Too bad you won’t be there, I hear it’s going to be a real bomb.”

Metro Man stopped struggling and crinkled his brow.

“I think you mean ‘Da Bomb’. ‘A bomb’ means bad, ‘Da Bomb’ means good.”

Megamind stopped and furrowed his own brow.

“How does a definite article change something from bad to good? So, I‘m ‘A‘ super villain, does that make you ‘Da‘ super villain? I think not.”

Metro Man shrugged and began his struggling anew.

“Fine,” said Megamind, “no matter. Let’s say; It will be a bang-up good time! That means good, right?”

Metro Man gave a particularly forceful twist, sending a web of cracks shooting out from him in the gravel surface. Megamind looked to the detonator in his hand and frowned. “Or is that too old fashioned? Like ‘peachy-keen‘ or ‘nifty‘.”

Metro Man flipped again, crashing down with even more force, sending out deeper fissures. One zigged and zagged its way unnoticed under the villain who was still puzzling over his vernacular.

“Ha HA!” he finally cried, pointing the detonator at his captive and giving a victory hop, “A BLAST! It’s going to be a real blast! That is what I meant to--”

An ominous cracking sound shut his mouth in mid-sentence and he looked to Metro Man in puzzlement. “What on earth was that?” he queried, right before the entire rooftop heaved. He took a quick step toward the superhero, just as the ground where he had been standing crumbled and sank, sending chunks of cement and tar paper to the floor below.

The ground shook again, and Megamind stumbled. His back foot caught the edge of the ever-widening hole, and he felt himself tipping backwards. He teetered for what seemed an eternity, arms pin wheeling frantically, eyes wide, mouth pulled into a grimace. He looked to his captive, terror replacing the earlier charming smugness. Metro Man watched in horror as the villain began to disappear through the jagged opening into the darkness below.

“Megz!” cried Metro Man, snapping the bonds and reaching out to grasp the flailing man. There was a millisecond where white gloves ghosted over black, their fingers just barely brushing, then he was gone. Metro Man took to the air just as the remainder of the roof caved in.


*************

Despite the new ragged skylight, the interior of the warehouse was oppressively dark, and Metro Man scanned through the billowing clouds of dust for any sign of Megamind. Heart pounding, he dug through the debris, throwing bits of cement and dry wall aside until he came upon one leather clad hand. Clawing through the rubble, he unearthed the limp body of his long time nemesis.

“No, no,” he whispered to himself, a mantra of desperate denial, as he brushed off stray fragments and more dust. He placed a shaking hand against the lightning bolt insignia and breathed a sigh of relief. Megamind’s heart, however faint and uneven, was still beating. “Hey buddy, I’m here. You’re going to be okay, alright? I‘m going to get you some help.” Metro Man moved to brush more dust from the blue face, careful of the cuts and scratches, when he came to a sudden realization. Aside from the rapid thudding, the thin chest wasn’t moving. “Megamind!” he barked, giving him brisk shake, “C’mon, wake up!”

The blue head flopped lifelessly, and Metro Man shook him again. “No, damn it! This is not the way it’s supposed to end. You need fire and smoke and power chord guitars, not some seedy old warehouse in the run-down end of town. You’re better than this.” He raised an arm and slapped him sharply on the cheek. “Don’t you dare check out on me now.”

The slender body twitched, then spasmed into an arch, hands clenched into claws, only feet and shoulders touching the ground. His head twisted back, pale throat working soundlessly before taking a loud gasping breath, then another and another, finally sinking back to the ground, still coughing and sputtering.

Metro Man leaned over him. “Hey,” he said softly.

Megamind groaned, hands instinctively fluttering up to protect his face. Metro Man clasped one in his own and shifted his body to lean in more closely. “Hey,” he said again, pressing the back of the leather clad hand to his lips. “It’s okay, little buddy.” He gave the hand a reassuring squeeze.

Wincing, the villain coughed again and attempted to open his eyes. He blinked slowly, pupils huge and unfocused in the dark room. Eventually they picked out the dim face hovering above him. They traveled across the lantern jaw, up the Roman nose to the blue eyes crinkled with concern. Metroman gave his hand another squeeze and Megamind shifted his unsteady gaze to the sight of his hand clasped in his nemesis’s. He blinked stupidly for a moment, then managed a weak;

“…the fuck?”

*******************


Metro Man meant to laugh. He truly did. But when he opened his mouth, what came out instead was a sob. A guttural, heart wrenching sob. He clapped his free hand over his mouth, but another one escaped, unbidden. Both men stared at each other, twin looks of surprise and horror on their faces, then Megamind took his free hand and raised it up to gently touch the other man’s cheek.

Metro Man’s lip trembled briefly, then all pretence of restrain was lost and he broke down and wept in earnest, wide shoulders hunched as they shook with each sob. Megamind waited, frozen with shock, but when the tears showed no signs of slowing, he pushed himself into a sitting position and warily placed his hand on the huge bicep, giving a gentle squeeze.

“Are y-you okay?”

“I’m sorry,” Metro Man blubbered, sweeping the smaller man into a crushing hug. Megamind winced at the sudden move, but was too surprised to fight, instead reaching around the thick neck to tentatively pat his back. Metro Man buried his face in the thin blue shoulder and tried to get his breathing under control. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, lungs still hitching, “I’m not normally … I mean, Oh God, this is so embarrassing.” He wiped the backs of his hands across his cheeks and inhaled deeply. He let the breath out slowly and squeezed his eyes shut. “Okay, I-I’m good now.”

Megamind’s eyes widened into saucers and he pressed an accusing finger into the other man’s broad chest.

“You … care about me!” He said slowly, big brain trying to work its way around that thought. He looked up at the blue eyes and did not find the denial he was expecting. Instead, Metro Man shrugged and gave a guilty nod.

“It’s true,” he said, simply. Green eyes searched his face through the darkness.

“But … why? I thought you hated me.”

Metro Man sighed and gave a sad smile. “Quite the opposite, little guy. You’re all I have in this world. I mean sure, I’ve got money and fame and the adoration of every single person in Metro City, but at the end of the day, what does it all mean if I have no one to share it with? It’s surprisingly lonely at the top.”

“But … but …” sputtered Megamind, “you just described every single thing I’ve ever wanted.” It was his turn to sigh. “I don’t get it.”

“Trust me, my friend, if you’re ever in my shoes, you’ll feel the same way.”

“Yes, well, the chance of that ever happening seems rather slim at the moment.”

“Your day will come, sooner than you think. I’m sure of it.”

“Oh God, I hope so. I mean, no offence, of course. I find you to be a bone crushingly, formidable opponent, but I don’t exactly hate you either. Truth be told, I don‘t even dislike you that much. ”



“Thanks. That means a lot.” Metro Man pulled him into another hug.

“I’m still going to try and destroy you, of course,” the villain continued, half smothered into the muscular chest.

“Of course!” laughed Metro Man. He released him and levelled his gaze at the wide, green eyes. “Thank you. For listening.” His eyes travelled down to Megamind’s mouth, and the villain licked his lips self-consciously. “I appreciate it,” he whispered leaning closer. Megamind held his breath and closed his eyes.

BEEP!
BEEP!
BEEP!

He pulled back just as the full lips grazed his.

“The bomb!” he squeaked, checking his watch, “You’d better get out of here. Now!”

Metro Man raised himself up on both arms as if about to fly and Megamind instinctively flattened himself against the ground, arms covering his face in anticipation of the coming explosion. But instead of taking flight, Metro Man settled himself over the prone body of his friend, lowering himself on to it as gently as a brooding hen setting on her eggs.

“Buckle up,” he said, wrapping his arms around the blue head, and tucking the villain’s face into the crook of his thick neck, “and hold your breath, it’s going to be hot.”

“Wha?” Megamind began but all thoughts and words were wiped out by the crushing heat and devastating impact as the world disintegrated around them. As instructed, Megamind held his breath, face pressed into the man above. Just as his lungs began to burn and his head to spin from lack of oxygen, the noise and heat surrounding them subsided. Both lay still as the last few bricks dropped and crashed around them, then Metro Man raised his head and they both gasped for fresh air.

The walls around them had vanished, save a few wobbly, stacked spires, which cast long shadows in the fading evening light.

“Wow,” said Megamind, still panting, “that was … intense.” He untangled one arm from between them and drew a shaking hand across his face.

“You’re trembling.”

“Well, yeah!” he laughed nervously, “this has been an extraordinary day of many firsts. First near death experience, first time at ground zero and first k-” he swallowed and averted his eyes, “first … kiss.” He sighed and made a face. “How sad is that?”

“Really?” asked Metro Man, searching his face, “you’ve never had a near death experience?”

Megamind laughed. He raised his finger to make a point, but Metro Man leaned in closer. “That wasn’t a real kiss. It doesn’t count.”

“Well, to you, perhaps, but I-“

Metro Man shook his head to shush him.

“I call a do-over. You okay with that?“

Megamind blinked slowly, then nodded. Metro Man closed the scant space between them and brushed his lips against the soft blue ones. He gathered up the fuller lower lip and gave it a gentle nibble, then sucked it into his mouth and ran his tongue over it. Megamind gave a small huff of air, then his own pink tongue peeked out to give an exploratory lick at the fleshy part of Metro Man’s upper lip. Metro Man let his tongue circle the tip of his partners, then pressed forward to deepen the kiss.

Megamind huffed again, and the fingers of his free hand slowly twined themselves into the hero’s hair. He ran his tongue across the other man’s tidy, white teeth, then suddenly stilled.

“Wait,” he sighed, breaking the kiss enough to nuzzles his nose against the rough cheek. “You called me something earlier, as I was falling.”

Metro Man smiled against the slim throat and pressed his tongue into the delicate line of his jaw. “Megz.”

“Whhhu?” Megamind groaned, arching his neck into the other man’s mouth.

“Megz,” he said, more clearly, still tracing a wet trail on blue skin. “It’s … what I sometimes call you in my mind. You know, a short hand form of your name.”

“A nickname?” he grinned, wriggling tantalizingly beneath him, “You really do care about me!”

Quick as a whip, Metro Man grabbed a fist full of black latex and hauled Megamind to his feet, his bulk towering over the smaller man.

“I care about bringing you to justice!”

“Ju-what?” Megamind frowned, rubbing his fists against his eye sockets like a tired child. “Did I miss something here?”

“The only thing you missed was the opportunity to turn your life around.”

Green eyes searched the handsome face for some clue as to the sudden shift of events, when the sounds of rubber-neckers and distant sirens became obvious to ears even without super-hearing.

“Ah!” he gasped, genius-level wheels finally turning, “Why turn my life a round when being a goody-two-shoes is so square?“

“The only square you’ll be seeing is the four walls of your prison cell.”

There were some appreciative whoops and calls from the ever growing peanut gallery.

“Well the jokes on you, because my cell isn’t square. It’s …uh, kind of round, actually.”

“Well, we won’t be seeing you around for a long, long time.”

“You may have won this time, Metro Man, but I’ll be back. With a plan even bigger and better than this one.”

Metro Man bent his knees, and gave a salute to the still gathering crowd. “Good night, fair citizens. You can rest easy this evening, because the city will now be safe from the likes of Megamind.” He adjusted his grip on the villain’s costume then jetted them both away.

Megamind instinctively grabbed on to the arm supporting him, and squeezed his eyes shut.

“What’s wrong?” Metro Man asked, as they swooped above the building tops, “don’t like to fly?”

“I don’t mind the flying,” he answered, eyes still screwed shut and fingers twisted in the ivory fringe, “it’s the falling to my death that I abhor.”

“Don’t worry buddy, I’ve got you.” He scooped up Megamind’s legs with his other arm and gave him a gentle squeeze. After a moment the villain dared to peek down at the city below.

“Amazing,” he said, the word almost carried away by the wind.

“Flying? Yeah, I’m kind of used to it, I guess.”

“No, you. After what we just went through,, anyone else would have been torn to shreds, or burnt to a crisp, but you are completely unscathed.”

Metro Man shrugged. “It would take a lot more than a little bomb to harm me. You’d have to employ something much more intense.”

“Are you talking bigger? Or nuclear?”

Metro Man grinned and shook his head.

“Really? Bigger than nuclear? I don’t have the resources to purchase something like that.” He removed one hand from the Metro Man’s costume and rubbed the pad of his thumb along his goatee.

“What’s the biggest ball of fire you can think of?” asked the hero, slowing his speed and making a leisurely decent towards the prison.

Megamind frowned for a moment. “Well, the sun, of course, but that would be … completely …ludicrous. Wouldn‘t it?”

Metro Man shrugged. “Would it?”

“Of course it would! There’s no known way to harness the full, concentrated power of the sun.” He chewed his lip and a slow smile spread across his face. “At least, not yet.”

“That’s the spirit,” said Metro Man, alighting atop the prison roof. Megamind hopped out of his arms, then promptly stumbled. “Whoa there, buddy. You okay?”

“Peachy-keen” he replied, straightening himself and looking up at the hero. “Just getting my land legs back.” He reached out tentatively and patted the muscular arm. “And you?”

Metro Man thought a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, I’m good.”

Megamind puffed out his chest and placed his hands on his hips. “Excellent, because I’m already working on my next plan to destroy you.”

The hollow clanging of footsteps on metal stairs came from the nearby stairwell, and Metro Man reached across the smaller man to lean against the door. “You don’t say.”

“Yeah,” he replied, barely a whisper, “if I succeed it would be another first.”

“You know,” said Metro Man with a wink, “seconds are fun too.” He leaned down and pressed his mouth against Megamind‘s, his free hand circling the slim waist and pulling him closer.

“Indeed,” he replied, standing on his tip-toes, “and thirds.”

By the time the guards forced open the door, Megamind was standing alone, one hand pressed to his mouth, his eyes on the stars.

“What are you waiting for?” he barked , squaring his shoulders, “Take me to my cell, I’ve got a lot of scheming to do.”


FIN








































Home Shool

CHAPTER ONE



Megamind sighed for the third time in as many minutes. Minion carefully placed his wrench on the counter and angled himself to get a surreptitious peek at his master. It was obvious that his boss was upset, but less obvious was how to approach him without upsetting him further.

Above all else, Minion prided himself on his servitude, and loved his master unlike any other. The addition of Miss Ritchie to their previous twosome was complicating things, but she seemed fond of Sir, and more importantly, his boss seemed quite smitten, so Minion decided that he would do everything in his powers to ignore his ruffled feathers and support Miss Richie and his Sir in any way he could.

“The modifications on the fractal generator are almost finished,” he chirped brightly through a toothy grin.

Megamind, slumped on his desk, rotund noggin pillowed in his arms, merely raised an eyebrow at the machine in question and sighed again.

“Once the parts for the centrifuge arrive, “ Minion continued, “I’ll have it up and running by the end of the week.”

Megamind made a vague gesture with one hand, most likely in agreement, but still did not engage Minion in conversation. This would require a more direct approach. Minion moved to stand behind his master and placed two large hands on the thin, tense shoulders.

“You seem … muh-LON-kalee, Sir.”

“I am, Minion. I am.” He reached a gloved hand around to reassuringly pat Minion’s metallic fingers.

“Well, perhaps I can help! Let’s do something fun. Like Scrabble! Or Evil Uno! Or hey, we could order Chinese!”

“No,” he replied, but he had lifted his head, and was sitting up straighter. “I have my hands full enough with Metrocity, I couldn’t possibly take over such a highly populated country as well. Not to mention, it’s inconveniently located on the other side of the world. Think of the commute!”

“Oh, no Sir,” laughed Minion, pressing his thumbs along the sides of Sir’s spine, “I meant we could order in some food. You DO favour the teriyaki beef.”

Megamind let his head slump forward again, but this time to allow Minion better access to his neck. “And don’t forget the Udon noodles,” he said, “they remind me of the time --ung,” he groaned, as Minion rubbed out a knot on one shoulder, “of the time you --Minion! Honestly, your fingers are like magic!”

Minion grinned gleefully and moved his ministrations down to his boss’s shoulder blades. “I can’t take the credit, Sir. After all, YOU were the one who designed them.”

“And forged and created them,” added Megamind, leaning farther across the desk as Minion’s thumbs rubbed gentle circles down his slender back. Minion’s gaze followed the curve of his spine down to his slim hips and he chewed his lip appreciatively. Megamind cleared his throat and Minion’s attention was drawn back where it belonged.

“Yes!” he agreed, “Cr-created them. Brilliant work, if I do say so, Sir.” Minion held up his mechanical hands, flexing and rotating them as if to prove his point. “If I may be so bold,” he began, expecting to be rebuked, “what part of your now perfect life has gotten you down?”

Megamind pursed his lips and rubbed a hand across the smooth dome of his head. He seemed about to speak, then furrowed his brow, his expression clouding over. “It’s not something I’m prepared to discuss.” He fussed with the latex cuff of one of his gloves, then looked up to Minion, brow still knitted. “And it’s not something you could help me with anyway. Don’t you have some underling duties to attend to? Fan mail to open? Or tomorrow’s attire to lay out?” He spun his chair back around to face the desk, but Minion could still see the muscles in his jaw clenching and un-clenching.

“Of course I can help. It’s my job. My duty. My life! Sir, there is nothing out there to which I wouldn’t be equipped to assist you. Don’t you … trust me anymore?” Minion tried to hold back the need that bled into his plea, but with his boss he was always such an open book. “Just try me. Have I ever failed you before?”

Megamind gave a sad smile and caressed Minion’s glass housing with one gloved finger. “Of course you haven’t. You’ve been a most faithful servant. Brave, and valiant and true. But this is one adversary I’ve not yet come up against, and sadly, one I shall have to face alone.”

“No!” Minion cried, clutching his metallic chest. “You will never be alone! As long as I live and breathe, I will fight for you. Who is this evil scourge? What is the name of the foul beast that has dared to challenge you? I won‘t rest until you‘re safe and free and happy again.”

He shook his blue head slowly and the sad smile returned. “No, Minion, nothing like that. Her name is Roxanne Ritchie, and I fear she may be my undoing.”

“Miss Ritchie?” Minion gasped, “What did she say to you? What has she done to you?” He picked up the abandoned wrench and hefted it from hand to hand. “Do I have to smack a bitch?”

“She’s done nothing!” Megamind cut in, grasping Minion’s forearms and pressing them down. “And I in turn have done nothing to her. And that, my faithful companion, is precisely the problem.” He sucked in a deep breath and slowly blew it out. “I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’m … I am … afraid.”

“Of what?” asked Minion, perplexed. “You could TOTALLY take her. She doesn’t even have any superpowers.”

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong, my friend. She has beguiling womanly ways. And I don’t want to hurt her, I want to kiss her. And touch her. All over. I want to do things to her that I don’t even understand.”

“Then … why don’t you?”

“I don’t know HOW, Minion. I don’t know the first thing about pleasing a woman. Oh sure, you say, a man with my incredible good looks and magnetic personality could have all the ladies he wanted, but up until now, I’d never wanted any. I hadn’t realized it was an option.”

“You are very handsome, Sir.”

“Yes, yes, I know. It’s a curse. Not many have been gifted with my generous cranium, but I fear that in other departments, I may not … measure up.” He looked to his tight leather pants then back up to Minion, who shrugged.

“I’ve heard,” he started helpfully, “that it’s not the size that matters, but what you do with it.”

“Yes, but what exactly am I supposed to do with it?” He stared at his servant who slowly blinked a few times then shook his head.

“You really don’t know?”

“No,” said Megamind with a shrug.

“For real? You don’t know what it’s for?”

Sir shook his head. “Well, understand the basics of reproduction, but I have none of the finesse. I’ve never had a female companion before. How am I supposed to know of such things?”

Minion blinked again and gave his head a shake. “You, uh, know we have a computer here right?”

“Yes.”

“With internet access?”

“Of course. I use it all the time. The Tesla coils don’t order themselves, you know. I don‘t see what the computer has to do with my lack of social skills.”

“So, you’ve never come across websites that … specialize in ladies?”

“Minion, you’re talking nonsense. Why would anyone want to visit a site like that? Why would anyone even create a site that ‘specializes in ladies?’”

Minion took in his air quotes and slowly shook his head. “Wow. This is going to be harder than I thought, but if someone is going to help you learn your way around a woman‘s body, I wouldn‘t want it to be anyone but me.”

“Minion, no offence, but you’re a fish. What could you possibly know about a woman’s body?”

“I’m on Craigslist,” grinned Minion. He held up one finger. “Wait here, I‘ll be back with a surprise.”

“Oooh! That sounds exciting! But first, who is this ‘Craig?’ and why are you on his list?”

*****************


Megamind spun his chair around at the sound of approaching footsteps, then recoiled in surprise.

“Roxanne!” he gasped, clutching himself. It was customary for him to remove his cape in the Evil Lair, but in mixed company, he felt severely underdressed. “I … I wasn’t … Ollo! Welcome to Chez Mind.”

“No, silly, it’s me!” she said. Roxanne spun the dial on her wrist, and in a quick flash of blue light, morphed back into Minion.

“The Disguise Generator!” said Megamind. “Good thinking. But … when did you scan Roxanne?”

Minion grinned sheepishly and checked his fingernails for dirt. “Sometime. Ago. You know, the time, when we had … some … time. Before?”

“Excellent. So what’s the plan?”

“Well, “ said Minion, “I thought we’d start simple. Why don’t you try and compliment me - err- Roxanne?”

“But why?”

“Ladies love it, Sir. In fact, it’s expected. Remember how you used to trade off insults with Metroman? Well, it‘s sort of the same on a date, but you say nice things instead of mean ones.” Minion turned the dial again and assumed the image of Roxanne. “Now,” said Minion/Roxanne (Moxanne?) “Say something sweet.”

“I … I like you?”

“Not bad, for a start,” said Minion, beginning to sashay around the room in an exaggerated yet startlingly accurate imitation of Roxanne, “but try to be more creative.” He jutted out one hip and pouted his lips. “Tell me what you like.”

Megamind took in the feminine form and swallowed audibly. “I like …the swell of your hips. They stick out much farther than your waist and I find the ratio most pleasing.”

“Ah!” said Minion, bringing those hips tantalizingly closer, “That is mistake number one! You just called me fat.”

“No I didn’t. I merely said that …” he spread his hands in a pantomime of the shape of Roxanne’s hips. Minion sniffed and stamped his foot.

“Yes you did! You think my butt is big!”

“No! Roxanne! Not at all. I merely meant that … your body is womanly. Beautiful. Soft and curvy and delicate. Yet you are also strong. And smart. Did I mention curvy and delicate?” He covered his face. “Oh, it’s no use, I’m terrible at this. I’m used to GETTING compliments, not giving them“ . When he looked up, Roxanne was giving him a shy smile.

“You really think I‘m pleasing?”

“Of course I do! Why do you think I was compelled to kidnap you all the time?”

Minion smoothed his hands across Roxanne’s firm abdomen and pressed his shoulders together to accentuate her bust. “Anything else you like?”

“Gods yes!” sighed Megamind. “Those! Those fleshy mounds of gravity defying intrigue. When pressed together they have an uncanny resemblance to buttocks, and for some strange reason, I find this pleasing as well.”

“Wow. Sir, we are really going to have to set aside a whole day just to work on your wooing.”

“Why? What did I say?”

“You compared her breasts to an ass.

“How about I tell her my desire to ‘motorboat?’”

“How about we move on to the next thing?”

Megamind steepled his fingers and nodded. “Alright, and what is that?”

“Kissing.”

“Oh good! I’ve already done that!”

“And how did it go?”

He made a face and shook his head. “Not well, I’m afraid. That reminds me. Note to self--Design safety lock for Disguise Generator. Okay, where were we?”

Minion took a step closer.” So, you’ve kissed her - I mean me - before?”

“Good God, this is confusing, Minion.” He placed his hands on the smooth shoulders, to push them away.

“Then don’t think about it. Just think of me as ‘her.’ I’m Roxanne, and I’m going to take care of you.” She put a hand to his brow and caressed the slight indentation there. When he sighed and said nothing more, she slid her fingers up and across the smooth dome of his head. “So soft,” she whispered, bringing her other hand up to mirror the first.”

“I know. I exfoliate.”

She caressed down behind his ears and around under his jaw, then back up along his temple to his brow, in a slow, soothing circuit. When he visibly relaxed she continued the tender strokes and snuggled into his lap.

“Wait! This is awfully …I don’t think … I’m not sure I-”

“It’s okay, Megamind” she whispered, breath warm against his cheek, “I’m going to take care of you. Trust me.” She brushed her lips across his and pressed her body closer. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” he sighed, and she smiled as she felt him tremble beneath her.

“Then kiss me.” She met his mouth again and plied him with little kisses, slowly deepening them until his arms released their grip on the chair and slid, tentatively around to the small of her back. She slid her tongue across the seam of his lips then cautiously slipped inside.

“Kissing with tongues?” he breathed, “How simply decadent.”

“It’s French,” she said, taking his bottom lip between her teeth and nibbling.

“Brilliant. First fried potatoes, now this.”

“Shut up, Sir” Roxanne slid her hands up to his neck and dragged her lips across his cheek to nibble on his earlobe.

“Tongue in the ear, what is this? Portuguese? Swahili?”

“Okay, forget it.” Roxanne spun the watch dial and Megamind grunted under the sudden weight of his servant. “If you’re not going to take this seriously, then I’ve got … Robo-sheep to attend to.” He extricated himself from Megamind’s lap and started back towards the work bench.

“Minion, come on! I was just trying to be funny.”

“Well,” Minion grumbled, crossing his arms, “I don’t appreciate it when I’m really putting myself out there, and you’re just clowning around.”

“It was just a joke.” He spun his chair closer to Minion and patted a furry arm. “I’m sorry, I’ll stop. It’s just,” he hung his head and peered up at Minion through his lashes, “I’m nervous. Humour is my defence mechanism.”

“Lasers are a defence mechanism. Body armour is a defence mechanism.”

“You’re right. You’re right! From now on, no jokes. I’ll be good. Now, where were we?”

Minion remained standing, arms crossed and foot tapping.

“Come on Minion.” He jerked his head, indicating his lap. “Come back. You know you liked it too.”

“Did not.”

“Come on, my Fishy-Wishy. Who’s my Furry-Fishy? Who is?”

“I am?” asked Minion, still pouting.

“Are you?” Crooned Megamind, “Are you my Funky-Monkey-Fish!”

“Well, I don’t see any other … Monkey-fish here, so yeah. That’s me!” he said, visibly brightening.

“That’s right, you are! You’re my man eating shark. He pantomimed casting a rod, and reeling it in. “Come here Fishy. Oh!” he cried, yanking his invisible fishing rod, “I think I hooked a big one!”

“Whoa!” squealed Minion, pretending to be reeled in. “You got me!”

“Yeah, I do,” he said, once Minion stood in front of him again. “So what do you say? Should we try again?”

Minion scuffed a toe on the wood floor and shrugged. “Okay.”

“Great!” said Megamind, clapping his hands together, “what comes after kissing?”

“You’re going to like this, Boss. First Base!”

“Ooh Sporty!”

*************

Minion pushed the sofa over to Megamind’s desk and patted the soft cushions.

“This should be a bit more comfortable.”

Megamind hesitated a moment, then made the move from chair to couch. They sat side by side, both unsure of how to make the next move, Minion drumming his fingers while Megamind picked imaginary lint off his suit.

“Oh!” said Minion, overly brightly, “I brought the laptop. I thought it might be helpful to Google some information on female anatomy.” He lifted the screen and deftly tapped the keys. “Oookay, let’s get right to the good stuff. Safe Search off. Images … vagina.” He pressed enter and Megamind almost choked on his tongue.

“Oh God!” he cried, peeking through his fingers, “That can’t possibly … I mean …they aren’t meant to … OH!” he groaned, turning his head from the offending images. “Turn it off! Turn it off! Please tell me that Roxanne doesn’t have something that big and … angry looking, lurking in her trousers.”

Minion frantically smashed the keyboard. “Oh no, Sir. At least, I don’t think so. I’m not sure HOW we managed to log onto-” he peered at the screen, ‘Horselovinghoneys.com’.” He looked over at Megamind, who looked decidedly more green than blue, and shrugged. “I’m pretty sure most women don’t stretch that wide. Often.”

Megamind shuddered and rubbed his face. “I can’t do this. The whole thing is just so … alien to me.”

“Well then, who better to take this on than you, sir? You are an alien after all!”

“I don’t know Minion. After seeing those photographs, I don’t think I would be physically capable of pleasing her.”

“Lets find out,” said Minion, twisting the dial on the Disguise Generator. “I gotta say,” he said, placing a slender, feminine hand down the front of Roxanne’s slacks, “it sure doesn’t FEEL like there’s anything scary in here.”

Megamind stared, mesmerized yet afraid. “Can I try?”

“Sure.” The hand moved away to grasp his own, which she placed gently between her legs. “There, see? Scary?”

Megamind shook his head as he caressed the front of her pants. “No. It doesn’t feel like there’s much there at all.”

Roxanne grinned. “Trust me, from this end? There is definitely something there.”

“So, this feels pleasing?”

“Oh yes! You’re doing splendidly so far.”

Megamind smiled. “Yes I am!” He smoothed his fingers down the inner seam, lightly up her thigh, then down back again. “I think I’m getting the hang of this.”

Roxanne sighed and sank back into the pillows, wriggling her hips closer to him.

“Ooh, an eager one, aren’t you?”

Roxanne grinned as her hands began to work the buttons of her blouse. “You have no idea.” When she reached the last button, she tugged the material from the waistband of her pants and let her blouse fall open. Megamind eyed her ample bosom, just barely held in by an ivory eyelet bra, a slow smile creeping across his features.

“Those look exciting.” His hands slid up her frame to gently cup her breasts. “And they feel exciting too!”

“They’d feel even better without your gloves on,” she said, taking a hold of his upper arm and peeling the cuff down past his elbow.”

“My wha?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t know. I’m going to feel awfully exposed.”

“It’s okay,” she said softly, “it’s just me and you here, and I’m the one with my shirt open. You don’t have to hide anything from me.” She paused a moment, to give him time to deal with his inner demons, then resumed peeling off the first glove. He watched with great trepidation, the other arm still clutching his chest, as the glove slowly cleared his wrist, then hand. Blue fingers suspended in mid air. “They’re beautiful,” she said, “your hands.”

“I know,” he responded, as she pressed the hand to her mouth and one by one slowly kissed his fingers. Any other response was lost as her lips parted and she sucked on the tip of one slender blue digit.

The heat of her mouth, combined with the friction of her tongue and OHGOD the suction! Megamind let out a long hiss. “That is … surprisingly intense. I mean-” he paused as she sucked it in down to his knuckle, and then again when there was a surprising scrape of teeth, “Oh! I mean, after kissing you, I’m not surprised that your mouth is … UNF … so pleasing. It’s just that … that I didn’t realize that fingers could be so … sensitive.”

“It’s not just your fingers that I plan to suck on,” she said, removing the wet finger and rubbing it against her bottom lip.

“You mean- you plan to remove my BOOTS TOO?”

Roxanne laughed and nuzzled his hand. “Well yeah, I suppose, but I was thinking more about your pants.”

Megamind’s free hand shot to the front of his tights as he lost the war to hide his smile. “Goodness!” he said, blushing a fetching shade of magenta, “You’re a bad one! And all this time I thought you were a good girl.”

Roxanne shrugged and added a second finger in her mouth. “Take ‘em off.”

“My p-pants?”

“And your boots.”

Megamind was about to argue until she gently chewed on the pads of his fingers.

“Huh-okay,” he breathed, eyes rolling into his head, “but you first.”

***********

“You’re not scared of a girl, are you?” Roxanne asked as she got to her feet and shrugged off her blouse.

“Out of my wits,” he answered, but the grin on his face said otherwise. Her hands moved to the button of her slacks and Megamind held his breath.

“Not yet, “ she said, shaking her head. “Lose the other glove first.” Megamind pouted, but tugged on the end of each finger to loosen the fabric before pulling off the entire thing. “Good boy,” she said, and popped the button of her pants. Megamind looked at her expectantly, then slumped when he realized she was waiting on him again.

“Boots?” he asked, deflated.

“Boots,” she agreed, tugging tantalizingly at her zipper.

“Boots,” he sighed, crossing one leg over his knee and pulling at the heel until it loosened enough to remove. He placed it carefully beside the couch and looked up.

“Both of them.”

“Yeah, I thought so,” he said, crossing the other leg over and repeating the motion. When the second boot had joined the first, his head snapped up at the sound of the metal zip being pulled. Roxanne pushed the material over her hips and let it fall, kicking it away as it hit the floor. She hooked her thumbs into her panties and began to pull them down as well.

“Wait!” he cried suddenly, and she froze in mid-motion. He blushed again and looked away demurely. “I …I just want to look for a moment.”

“Of course,” she said and un-hooked her thumbs. She did a slow turn in front of him, looking coyly over her shoulder at his wide eyed expression. When she turned to face him again, he blinked a few times then met her eyes.

“Thank you,”

“Anytime,” she replied. “Ready now?”

Megamind took a deep breath and nodded mutely. Roxanne slipped her fingers beneath the lacy trim and pushed the panties down past the swell of her hips. When they dropped to the floor, she picked them up and deposited them in Megamind’s lap. He clutched them in both hands and stared resolutely at his own lap.

“Is it … scary?” he asked. Roxanne looked down at herself and laughed.

“I don’t think so.” She passed a hand over the slight mound then bent her knees a little to reach lower. “No, it’s not scary at all. Look for yourself.”

Megamind dared a peek, then let out a surprised “Oh!”

“What?” she asked, covering herself with her hands. “What’s wrong?”

Megamind peeled one hand away and tentatively stroked the soft dusting of curls.

“You’ve got … hair there.”

“I do,” she said, smiling. “Is that bad?”

“Well … no, it’s just that … I don’t have any. There.”

“So?” she asked. “I’ve got hair up here,” she said, tussling her short locks, “and you don’t.” She stroked his warm blue head and leaned down until their foreheads touched. “I like that.

“Me too,” he said, releasing his grip on her abandoned panties to slide his fingers through her hair. “Come here.” He lifted his head and her mouth met his. Lips parting, tongues entwining. His hands continued to card through her hair and hers moved to cup the delicate line of his jaw. When they broke apart, he struggled to catch his breath. “Can I … see it?” He patted the couch and she sat beside him. After a moment of awkward shuffling she managed to turn herself to face him, and when he was ready, she let her legs fall open. “Can you explain it to me? All the parts, I mean.”

“I think so. What would you like to know?”

“Well,” he said, reaching out to gently stroke her mound, “Let’s start with simple anatomy.”

“Well, that right there is, I believe, called the outer labia.”

“Then I can assume,” he said, running a finger along the delicate folds of skin, “that this here is the inner lah-bia?”

“Lay-Be-Ah,” she giggled, wriggling her hips.

“Fascinating,” he said, pressing a fingertip inside, “And self lubricating. How clever!” He removed the finger and held it up for inspection, rubbing it against the pad of this thumb. He gave it a cautious sniff, then touched it to the tip of his tongue. “Ingenious, really.”

“That’s not the half of it, Sir!” she gasped as he re-inserted his finger and ran it around the inner edge, “Not only is it self lubricating, but it’s self cleaning too.”

Megamind stilled and took a deep breath. “Minion, please refrain from calling me ‘Sir’ when my fingers are in your vagina. It’s really quite the buzz-kill.”

“Oh! Sorry!” she squeaked. “So, um … anatomy! The area just below where you’re touching is the perineum, and on the North side, you’ll find the urethra and the clitoris.”

Megamind drew his fingers upwards. “I’m familiar with what a urethra is, but tell me more about this clitoris.”

Roxanne gasped as his fingers brushed the area in question.

“W-well, from what I hear, there are over eight thousand nerve endings located there, twice as many as the male penis. But … ugh …being on this end of it, I’d have to say that you could safely multiply that by … at least six!”

“Really?” asked Megamind, swiping a wet finger over it. “So this feels good?”

“Oh yeah, pretty much the best thing ever!” she said, arching her back.

“You think so?” he asked, lowering his head and flicking it with his tongue.”

“Oh Geez!” she cried, grabbing him by the ears, “I was wrong. THIS is the best thing ever.”

Megamind almost grinned, but applied suction instead, all the while moving his fingers in slow, firm circles.

“Oh Crab Nuggets!” she cried, both pulling him towards herself and pushing him away. “I think you need to take off your clothes, like right now.”

“You don’t want me to continue?”

Roxanne pursed her lips and ran a hand through her bangs.

“I do. I really do. But I think … I think I want to do other things too. Things that require both of us to be naked, not just me.”

“You’re not naked, you have that … thing on.”

“A bra?”

“Is that what it’s called? A burah? How interesting.”

“Stop stalling and get naked.”

“I’m not stalling, I’m just … yeah okay, I’m stalling.” He turned away from her and leaned forward. “Would you?”

Roxanne looked to him in puzzlement then let out an “Ah!” She pulled the zip down the back of his suit. “Mmmm, is it getting blue in here? Or is it just me?” She pushed the material off his shoulders and held it there while he pulled out his arms. She deposited the shirt on the floor and turned to look at him. Exceptionally slim, yet not unattractively so, his wiry biceps twitched as he crossed his arms over his bony chest.

“What are you afraid of?”

“Of you, laughing at me. Rejecting me. Again.”

“Wow, you really hold a grudge.”

“Yeah, well, it made quite an impression on me.”

“Let me make a new one then.” She pried his arms away and leaned down to nuzzle her nose in the hollow of his sternum. She pressed her lips to the pounding heart behind his ribcage, then slid her tongue over to circle one rosy nipple. He groaned without apology and the thrumming in his chest sped up a notch.

She climbed over his leg to kneel before him on the floor, and slipped her fingers into the waistband of his pants. “Time to drop some trou’,” She began to pull them off, then stopped. His eyes were squeezed shut, and his impressive brow furrowed so tightly that three rows of wrinkles were stacked atop each other. “Hey,” she said softly, lightly touching his cheek. “It’s me. I might look like her, but I’m still me in here. Look at me, Megamind.”

His eyes fluttered open and he leaned into her touch. “Sir, you and I have been together almost our whole lives. And let me tell you, there is nothing in your pants that is going to change the way I feel about you, one iota.” Megamind tried to speak, but she put her fingers to his lips. “And if SHE feels that what you’ve got in there isn’t good enough for her, then she isn’t good enough for you. Do you understand me?”

Megamind sighed and nodded. “You’re right, Minion. You always are. Mostly. Unless I am.”

“That’s the boss I know and love,” she said, and her face warmed as she saw him smile. “Okay then! Let’s launch this puppy! Let’s un-tether this blimp! Let’s let the stallion out of the corral. Let’s … okay, let’s stop with the stupid euphemisms and just … remove your pants.” She pulled at the top of his tights and he obediently raised his hips so that she could slide them off. When the material finally cleared his feet, she placed it next to the shirt and boots and sat up, meeting his eyes. When he seemed calm and centered, she let her gaze drop to his groin.

“Oh!” she said with some surprise. She looked up to his worried face then back down to his lap. “It’s … well, it’s …perfect,” she finally said, a grin curling the edge of her mouth. “It’s exactly like it should be. It’s precisely like the rest of you. Perfect in every way.” She lowered her face to take in the clean, musky scent of him, then nuzzled her nose at the base of the smooth, indigo shaft.

“It’s big enough?” he asked, timidly.

“Of course,” she said, flicking out a pink tongue and licking along the length. “In fact, it seems a bit nervous right now, but I bet I can make it get even bigger.”

Megamind let out a sigh and a soft chuckle. “I know I’d like to see you try.”

“I’ll take that as a direct order,” she smiled. She swirled her tongue around the top of the spongy head, then swallowed it down. Megamind sank into the couch and let his legs fall open. Her hands kneaded the insides of his thighs as she worked her mouth along the ridges and pulse points of his cock.

“That feels … SO much better than when you sucked on my fingers!” he laughed, smoothing her hair from her face. “Perhaps a bit too good? Just as you wanted to have the stamina to explore other things, I fear that if you spend any more time down there doing … what you’re doing with your OH! That was your teeth! Oh Dear God! How can teeth feel that good? Roxanne, I meant it! Code: OhsweetJesusifyoudon’tstoprightnowsI’mgonna,”

She released his cock with a wet ‘pop’ but continued to rub slow circles along it with her chin.

“You’re kind of hot when you lose control and babble like that.”

“Oh, am I?” he asked, grasping her chin and pulling her upwards so her lips could meet his. “Well, you’re kind of hot when you’re …down there …with your … on my …”

“You’ve got a filthy mouth,” she said, climbing onto his lap and kissing him deeply. He didn’t answer her back, but instead broke the kiss to lick and bite his way down her neck. She straddled him more deeply, and rubbed her sex against his painfully hard cock, her fingers caressing the tips of his ears.

“I … do we need to …?” he arched his neck as she nibbled along his Adam’s apple, her wet heat still grinding against his hardness.

“I don’t think a hologram can get pregnant, can it?” she asked, reaching between them to grasp his cock.

“You don’t feel like a hologram,” he grunted, as she raised her hips and guided him to her entrance.

“Nor to me,” she said. “Are you ready?“ She waited for a nod before sinking slowly onto him, stopping only when he was buried completely inside of her. He grasped her hips to hold her still, and pressed their heads together.

“Wow,” he breathed, worry lines returning to his brow, “this is … it’s a lot to take in. I mean, I’ve never …”

She pressed her palms to his face and rubbed her thumbs along his eyebrows, smoothing out the creases. “You’re doing great,” she said, tilting her head to kiss along the same line.

“I know. I mean, really? You think so?”

“Yeah, I do,” she said, kissing along his other brow. “I’m going to start moving now, and once I start, I don’t think I can stop. Are you ready?”

Megamind took a deep breath and let it out in a long, slow exhale. “Yeah,” he nodded, “let’s do this.”

She kissed along the bridge to the tip of his nose, then brought their mouths together for a languid kiss. She didn’t rise off of his lap, but instead tilted her pelvis forward and rolled it back in a slow circle. This elicited a small gasp from him, and he pressed his own hips up, to maximize contact. Her arms went around his neck for support, and this time, when she rolled her hips, she lifted herself slightly then pressed back down in a slow arc.

His grip tightened on her buttocks as he helped support her movement against him. Bit by bit she began to lift off of him before pressing back down, and his hips, almost of their own accord, thrust up to meet her. They made no sounds aside from the press of flesh on flesh, until she choked out a strained: “Touch me.”

“Wha?” he asked, surprised and confused by the direction. He placed a hand on her chest and gave a gentle squeeze. “Like this?”

She merely grunted in frustration, then pulled his hand down between them and guided his fingers to where she needed his touch.

“Right there. Just like that,” she said, removing her hand and wrapping it around his neck. “And don’t stop,” she growled, “please.”

As if the throaty demand wasn’t enough, the needy ‘please’ at the end had Megamind diligently rubbing her at double-time their thrusts. Her insides squeezed around him and the sudden, mounting need inside him took him by surprise.

The sights, sounds, smells and tastes melded together to form an overwhelming cocktail of sensation, and he tried to narrow his focus to pleasing Roxanne, but the breathy, keening sounds she was making in his ear proved too distracting, and he felt his resolve begin to crumble.

“Roxanne,”

“Sir!” she cried, fingers digging into his back, “Oh! Unf!” She jerked against him, and he lost all pretence of retaining control. He snapped his hips in hard stucatto thrusts, slamming into her with abandon. Soon he stiffened and bit his own lip, for fear his teeth might mark her instead. The pressure coiling in his belly tightened to become almost unbearable, and then pleasure like he had never experienced before flowed forth and he cried out as he pulsed his seed inside of her.

They sat, tangled together a moment, ragged breaths intermingled, Roxanne still moving against him, an echo of their lovemaking.

“Wow,” he said, smoothing her hair from her face, “that was … really, really fun. Did you …uh?”

Roxanne grinned as she leaned back, pulling him on top of her. A quick twist of the wrist, and Megamind was ensconced in the warm, furry embrace of his lifelong friend. Minion sighed and ran a finger down the bumps and ridges of his boss’s spine.

“Let’s just say that you need to do a pretty substantial water change on my bowl tonight. Like … SUBSTANTIAL.”

Megamind nuzzled sleepily into the soft fur as Minion stroked his head. “We should do this again, sometime,” he yawned.

“Oh yeah,” Minion agreed. “but next time, can I be the Warden instead?”

Megamind’s eyes flew open and he surveyed his fishy friend. After a moment of staring, they both broke into grins. “Only if we get to use the handcuffs!”

“How exciting!”