More Paper cuts (do you sense a theme??)

I have a giant crush on one of these three people, and it's not the dog or the wookie.
Serious lady-boner for John Oliver.
Accent: Check
Smart: Check
Funny: Check

Yup. All of my criteria have been met. I'm in love. (TBH, the accent isn't required, but it's a bonus!)
Why can't I swoon over Brad Pitt like a normal person?