My odd family. Let me show you it.

[tripperfunster]

So, the trip to Toronto to see the folks actually went pretty well. (as compared to other years.) My kids are almost self-sustaining at 9 and 10 years old, so my mother was actually willing to let them stay with her while hubby and I went to the trade show. She actually 'babysat' them more that week that she has cumulatively their entire lives. No lie.

Anyhoo, the oddness. (My folks are divorced, so these stories do not happen with them together.)

My mom is ... odd about throwing food out. She is VERY anal retentive when it comes to cleanliness, but things like expiry dates seem to elude her. I was looking for something in her cupboard and I saw those ... candied cherry things? Like, the kind that people put on christmas cookies when they're baking. I asked her: "Wow, must really like those things, if you keep them all year round!" She said;"No, those are from last Christmas. I'll use them again for baking this year." 0_o My mother is far from poor, she could afford to buy a new $2.99 tub of cherries. THANK GOD I NEVER EAT THOSE COOKIES ANYWAY! So, anyway, she was complaining that she had bought too much milk, because her and her husband don't really drink it, and when we were gone, it would just go bad. I noticed a bottle of Nestlie Quick (chocolate sauce) in her fridge and I told her that the kids like chocolate milk, and maybe offer them some.

So she does, and Harry says, yeah, he'd love a glass, and then I think HMMMMMMM. "Mom, did Lance buy that chocolate sauce when he got here?" Mom: "No, we've had it for a while." Me: "Define 'a while.'" Mom: "Oh, I don't know! *angry*" So I look at the expiry date on the bottle and it EXPIRED IN 2009. Not MADE in 2009 but EXPIRED. WTF?

Looking back at my childhood, I barfed A LOT. I assumed that I just got the stomach flu a lot. Now that I am older and wiser, I'm pretty sure I just had FOOD POISONING. For realz. Alcohol induced barfing aside, I think I've had the stomach flu TWICE in the past 25 years. My children have only had it maybe three times in their lives.


And now for my dad:

My dad is a lot of fun, a little bit silly and a rebel. He is also a mean, fucking asshole when he wants to be. Lucky for us, he was fun and silly this visit. We went over to his place for dinner one night, which went well, and then we discussed seeing him again for coffee or something. He offered to drive us to the airport for our trip home, and I said, hey, maybe we could all go out for lunch first, and go the the airport after. Okay!

The day we were leaving (only three days after the dinner we had with him) he calls to find out our flight time, and offers to pick us up a half hour before the flight. I said, "Oh, I thought we were going to have lunch together!" He says, "Okay, why don't I pick you up TWO hours earlier and we'll do that, then go to the airport.

So he picks us up and takes us to a 'really neat' place near his house. This really neat place is a burger joint. Like, go up to the counter, get your food, sit down and eat it. I wasn't expecting a fancy place, and I wasn't expecting him to pay or anything, but ...I WAS expecting a place where maybe THEY COME TO THE TABLE TO TAKE YOUR ORDER? Like, a Montannas or Applebys or something? This place was one step above Wendy's. We were done eating in like ... 25 mins? So ... he took us to the airport and we were TWO HOURS EARLY FOR OUR FLIGHT. *sigh* Fast food, really? Is is just me, or was this strange? Even my kids were a bit WTF about the whole thing.

Comments

[oliversnape.livejournal.com]

Holy shit, your mother and my grandmother would get along famously. :P She is aware of expiration dates, she just thinks that they aren't as dire as they seem. And she feels insulted somehow paying full price for food.

£130 for a blouse? Oh but of course, it's the latest fashion, I'll have the matching purse and shoes too.

£2 for a basket of pears? No...there's one on reduced pricing over there. We'll cut around the soft parts, they're still good.

It's actually a bit scary to watch the hoarders episodes where they hoard food, because she's one of them. I know for a fact that the shelves in her basement have food that also expired in 2009.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

O_o

Life is never boring in your family, is it? ♥

[tracy7307.livejournal.com]

TWO THOUSAND AND NINE? O_O That's three years expired!

And awkward lunch at burger joint sounds... awkward. Augh.

[foxestacado.livejournal.com]

My mom is like yours. I remember we had a jar of pickles in the back of our fridge for about five years, and lots of sauces and things that are probably way older. In fact, still do. I think I grew up just knowing which were old and were "saved" for a special occasion (which never came around) and avoided them. She still has a little wheel of cow's laughing cheese that has been there for at least a few years. I just had a wedge last weekend. Still good although way past expired. We all have tough stomachs as a result, I think.

[littleroo27.livejournal.com]

when my step-dad suggests grabbing a bite to eat out, he always means a fast food place. It boggles my mind, but his diet is 90% McDonald's. I grew up with my dad & step-mom, and going out with them for a bite to eat means making sure you're not just wearing your around the house clothes because there WILL be a server involved. Some people just don't see things that way, I guess.

[alisanne.livejournal.com]

*shifty eyes*
2009? That's not TOO bad... ;)
All right, fine. I will admit to sometimes losing track of things in the pantry. BUT if I know they're out of date I wil throw them out. Eventually. Probably. :/

[demicus.livejournal.com]

Well, at least your mom has a very clean house. *looks on the bright side* It probably stays cleaner than most because they're in the hospital so much. *giggle* I kid, I kid! I hate the thought that you may have had repeated bouts of food poisoning though. *shudder*

And, well ... at least you were early for your flight outta there! Reading about your dad's B-side makes me miss mine (an extremely generous, sweet, charismatic gentleman) even more. *sigh*

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Hee! My mother in law actually got VERY sick from eating expired yogurt, and she has learned her lesson. My mother would have to probably die from salmonella to have anything register. She also has a habit of keeping things in the cupboard, when IMHO they should be in the fridge. Like CHEEZWHIZ! (or however you spell it). Dude! It says right one it, REFRIGERATE AFTER OPENING. *sigh*

And yes on the spending! We're going on a $8765445678 cruise, but we must keep cookies for over a year??

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Sitting around watching food expire isn't actually that exciting. ;)

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

yeah, it was awkward. Oh well, EVERYTHING around them is awkward.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

I'm not saying that I don't have any expired food in my house, I'm just saying that I WOULDN'T KNOWINGLY FEED IT TO GUESTS! Esp children!

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Well, my dad generally ISN'T a burger joint guy. I don't know if he was being cheap, or if he really just didn't want to spend time with us. (or both!)

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, I'm sure we all have a jar of pickled left over from the seventies, but DON'T FEED IT TO MY FUCKING CHILDREN!

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

She is actually a bit over the top about cleanliness. I know it's hard for her to visit us here, because we are a bunch of slobs and it drives her crazy. Dirty dishes in the sink OVER NIGHT? God no! Shoes all over the entrance way? Hells no! There is NEVER day when there isn't a couple of pairs of kid's Y-fronts on the floor in the livingroom. ;)

yeah. I'd rather draw porn that tidy the house. Sue me. :D

And yes, life certainly isn't fair in the way it seems to pick and choose who lives, who dies, who keeps their mind and who doesn't. *hugs*