I'm with most people on the epithets, but the one that really annoys me is 'husband'. It's quite a recent thing that two gay men, especially if they've had some kind of ceremony, seem to refer to one another as 'husbands'. I worked for several years with a gay man in a long-term relationship who quite unequivocally thought of himself as a 'wife', but when I used that in a story I had a lot of (straight, female) people telling me it was wrong WRONG WRONG. Well, I know who I'd be more inclined to listen to in the circumstances!
My theory is that if a gay man wants to describe himself as a husband that's cool. If he wants to describe himself a wife, that's cool too. If he wants to describe himself as a partner, a spouse, a flatmate, co-parent of a cat, or any one of a hundred other things, that's totally up to him. What I really can't stand, however, is people who haven't walked a mile in his shoes insisting that there's only one way of 'doing gay' and that's their way; it's monstrously arrogant, and doesn't take account of the multiple shades and nuances possible in other people's relationships.
I think I veered off topic a bit, sorry - but I find the word 'husband' immensely aggravating when it's used in slash fiction. And I'm like you, Tripp, in that I never ever think of the guy who shares my life as 'my husband' unless I'm describing him to someone who doesn't know him.
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Date: 2013-06-16 04:53 am (UTC)My theory is that if a gay man wants to describe himself as a husband that's cool. If he wants to describe himself a wife, that's cool too. If he wants to describe himself as a partner, a spouse, a flatmate, co-parent of a cat, or any one of a hundred other things, that's totally up to him. What I really can't stand, however, is people who haven't walked a mile in his shoes insisting that there's only one way of 'doing gay' and that's their way; it's monstrously arrogant, and doesn't take account of the multiple shades and nuances possible in other people's relationships.
I think I veered off topic a bit, sorry - but I find the word 'husband' immensely aggravating when it's used in slash fiction. And I'm like you, Tripp, in that I never ever think of the guy who shares my life as 'my husband' unless I'm describing him to someone who doesn't know him.