Annual Cray-Cray Family Rant
Oct. 30th, 2016 06:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tripperfunsterWell, gather 'round kids and pull up a chair, because it's time for my annual (semi-annual? Monthly?) family rant.
Let's start with my sister, who used to be my brother.
When I last spoke to Joy, it seemed that she is transitioning fairly well (I guess?) She's on female hormones now and says that she can already see some of the effects, such as tender boobs and slower body hair growth. She isn't working yet and is still on disability (for mental reasons) but says she should be working soon, and is just waiting for the 'sign off' from the doctors that she's okay to go back to work. Regarding her depression and suicidal tendencies, she told me that her group therapy is now over and she only has one or two more sessions with her councillor (therapist?) and she is feeling amazing and everything is awesome and she feels better than she has in years/never felt so comfortable in her own skin, yada yada yada.
Now, as the sibling of someone who is Bi-Polar, this is a major red flag. She attempted suicide about a year ago, 8 months ago and again about ... 6 months ago, hence the disability and group therapy sessions. Any time she waxes poetic about life, it generally means that she is about to crash and crash hard.
As we were talking, she slips up on a story she's telling and it finally comes out that she had attempted suicide again THREE WEEKS AGO. *sigh* I gotta say, not exactly surprising, but sad and disappointing too. Not to mention, that I spoke with my mother two weeks prior and she never mentioned anything about it, and I spoke to her specifically about my sister!
My Mother
So I call my mom and ask her why it didn't occur to her to tell me about Joy.
"Well, I didn't think you needed to know."
WTF? Not to mention that she full on LIED about her. I had asked how Joy was doing, and my mother said she was 'fine.' When I called her on this, the had the audacity to say "Well, she was fine AT THE TIME THAT YOU ASKED.' OMG for reals.
She then went on to tell me that I am always so negative about Joy and she didn't want to give me any more 'fuel' for that. *headdesk* Plus, she's perfectly fine and happy now, so why dwell on the past, amirite?
My mother confuses REALITY with NEGATIVITY. I love my sister. I want her to be happy and would do anything in my power to give her that happiness. Unfortunately, she is supremely fucked up and has a long history of depression, manic episodes and is also Borderline Personality which is extremely difficult to treat and deal with. She basically fucks her own life up and most relationships she has. She can't help it. I get it. But PRETENDING that everything is okay does not mean that it is actually okay.
I gave my mom supreme shit for lying to me, but it occurred to me that I am part of the problem. Clearly, my mother has no desire to deal with reality. She doesn't want any part of actually looking at the facts, discussing them, picking them apart, coming up with ideas and brainstorming ways to make things better. And I'm really not being sarcastic here. I'm not sure why it took me so long to see it, but I have spent way too much time trying to make her see what is actually happening with my sister and she has spend lots of energy burying her head in the sand. She would rather live in denial, give her cash for drugs (what? She's not still doing that!!??!!) and tell herself that everything is okay.
I've been trying to connect on a much deeper level than she has been comfortable with. I want to talk about life's highs and lows, the struggles we all face, the challenges we try to over come and she wants to talk about going out for lunch with her friends, her bridge club and her church. I finally get it. I honestly don't even see the point in speaking with her, if that's all we can talk about, but she's my mom and I will do it.
My mom also wants to visit next month. *groan* Last time she came it was a fucking nightmare. At least this time it will be for a much shorter time. I find that we have about a 5 day limit before she starts getting weird and I start wanting to kill her. :D
My Dad
Those of you who know me know that my dad (who is divorced from my mom and living with a sea-hag) isn't really a part of our lives. He's not evil, he's just kind of a dick and he's not really into me or my kids enough to acknowledge milestones like xmas or birthdays, so we talk on the phone a couple of times per year, are mildly polite to each other and that's about it. So he calls a couple of weeks ago asking for our new address, because he has 'something to send to us.' Me, hubby and the kids has a rousing discussion of WTF it might be, which ranged from "all the birthday cards he'd never sent' to 'money he won in the lottery' to 'a random human head.' :D
Turns out he sent us a calendar. The adult colouring book kind. (adult being like. .. for grown ups, not like ... porny!!) And he had coloured it all in. ... He also sent a short note, along the lines of: "I hope you like this, it took over 30 hours to colour it all in!"
Um ... okay? Thanks? He excited asked me to call him when we got it. I did, and you'd think he was 5 years old instead of 75. "Did you like it? Isn't it cool? Which month was your favourite?" I tried to be gracious and polite and think I mostly succeeded.
He also wants to visit. (funny, now that I work for an airline and can get cheap flights, EVERYONE wants to visit!!)
Anyhow, that's it so far. I might have more after these impending visits. :D
Let's start with my sister, who used to be my brother.
When I last spoke to Joy, it seemed that she is transitioning fairly well (I guess?) She's on female hormones now and says that she can already see some of the effects, such as tender boobs and slower body hair growth. She isn't working yet and is still on disability (for mental reasons) but says she should be working soon, and is just waiting for the 'sign off' from the doctors that she's okay to go back to work. Regarding her depression and suicidal tendencies, she told me that her group therapy is now over and she only has one or two more sessions with her councillor (therapist?) and she is feeling amazing and everything is awesome and she feels better than she has in years/never felt so comfortable in her own skin, yada yada yada.
Now, as the sibling of someone who is Bi-Polar, this is a major red flag. She attempted suicide about a year ago, 8 months ago and again about ... 6 months ago, hence the disability and group therapy sessions. Any time she waxes poetic about life, it generally means that she is about to crash and crash hard.
As we were talking, she slips up on a story she's telling and it finally comes out that she had attempted suicide again THREE WEEKS AGO. *sigh* I gotta say, not exactly surprising, but sad and disappointing too. Not to mention, that I spoke with my mother two weeks prior and she never mentioned anything about it, and I spoke to her specifically about my sister!
My Mother
So I call my mom and ask her why it didn't occur to her to tell me about Joy.
"Well, I didn't think you needed to know."
WTF? Not to mention that she full on LIED about her. I had asked how Joy was doing, and my mother said she was 'fine.' When I called her on this, the had the audacity to say "Well, she was fine AT THE TIME THAT YOU ASKED.' OMG for reals.
She then went on to tell me that I am always so negative about Joy and she didn't want to give me any more 'fuel' for that. *headdesk* Plus, she's perfectly fine and happy now, so why dwell on the past, amirite?
My mother confuses REALITY with NEGATIVITY. I love my sister. I want her to be happy and would do anything in my power to give her that happiness. Unfortunately, she is supremely fucked up and has a long history of depression, manic episodes and is also Borderline Personality which is extremely difficult to treat and deal with. She basically fucks her own life up and most relationships she has. She can't help it. I get it. But PRETENDING that everything is okay does not mean that it is actually okay.
I gave my mom supreme shit for lying to me, but it occurred to me that I am part of the problem. Clearly, my mother has no desire to deal with reality. She doesn't want any part of actually looking at the facts, discussing them, picking them apart, coming up with ideas and brainstorming ways to make things better. And I'm really not being sarcastic here. I'm not sure why it took me so long to see it, but I have spent way too much time trying to make her see what is actually happening with my sister and she has spend lots of energy burying her head in the sand. She would rather live in denial, give her cash for drugs (what? She's not still doing that!!??!!) and tell herself that everything is okay.
I've been trying to connect on a much deeper level than she has been comfortable with. I want to talk about life's highs and lows, the struggles we all face, the challenges we try to over come and she wants to talk about going out for lunch with her friends, her bridge club and her church. I finally get it. I honestly don't even see the point in speaking with her, if that's all we can talk about, but she's my mom and I will do it.
My mom also wants to visit next month. *groan* Last time she came it was a fucking nightmare. At least this time it will be for a much shorter time. I find that we have about a 5 day limit before she starts getting weird and I start wanting to kill her. :D
My Dad
Those of you who know me know that my dad (who is divorced from my mom and living with a sea-hag) isn't really a part of our lives. He's not evil, he's just kind of a dick and he's not really into me or my kids enough to acknowledge milestones like xmas or birthdays, so we talk on the phone a couple of times per year, are mildly polite to each other and that's about it. So he calls a couple of weeks ago asking for our new address, because he has 'something to send to us.' Me, hubby and the kids has a rousing discussion of WTF it might be, which ranged from "all the birthday cards he'd never sent' to 'money he won in the lottery' to 'a random human head.' :D
Turns out he sent us a calendar. The adult colouring book kind. (adult being like. .. for grown ups, not like ... porny!!) And he had coloured it all in. ... He also sent a short note, along the lines of: "I hope you like this, it took over 30 hours to colour it all in!"
Um ... okay? Thanks? He excited asked me to call him when we got it. I did, and you'd think he was 5 years old instead of 75. "Did you like it? Isn't it cool? Which month was your favourite?" I tried to be gracious and polite and think I mostly succeeded.
He also wants to visit. (funny, now that I work for an airline and can get cheap flights, EVERYONE wants to visit!!)
Anyhow, that's it so far. I might have more after these impending visits. :D
