Stoopid Customers

[tripperfunster]

Here's a few work related gems for you. A bit of back story, me and my husband own a pet store called Pet Traders, here in Bumfuck Manitoba. (my apologies to other Manitobans who might read this. And if you see yourself in this story, then GO SHOOT YOURSELF! You are too stoopid to live!

We get tons of calls from people who want to trade in their pets. Although we are called PET TRADERS, we don't trade animals, just supplies, ie, you can bring in a used aquarium or kennel, and we pay cash for them, clean them up and re-sell them. Needless to say, this concept is lost on many people. Here are just a few of the more memorable phone calls from the last couple of weeks.

1) Customer: Hi, I have a lovebird that I don't want anymore. Can I trade it in for a canary?

Me: No, I'm sorry, we just trade supplies here, not animals.

C:Yeah, I know. I want to trade in my lovebird.

Me: (louder and slower) No, we don't take animals here.

C:Yeah, I know that. This is a bird, not an animal.

Me: (dumbfounded) A bird IS an animal.

C:No it's not, it's a bird.

me: The last time I checked, birds were animals.

C: (getting pissed off) NO THEY AREN'T!

Me: Regardless of how stupid you are we don't take animals OR birds. Sorry. (click)

Here's a few other ditties:


2)
Man looking at our kittens, "How big do these get?"
*snerk* Me: Oh, about as big as a CAT!

3)
Woman looking at a 'rescued' bird we have. His feet are deformed but he seems to get around quite well. "What's wrong with his hooves?"
Me: He was born that way. He's not in any pain, but it feet don't work well.
Her: Well why don't you just cut them off then?
me: (wonders why no one has removed her head, as it obviously doesn't work either)

Now, if you think I"M sarcastic, listen to my hubby on the phone.

Woman: I want to trade in my fish.

Hubby: Sorry, we don't trade pets here.

Woman: Then why are you called Pet Traders?

Hubby: uh...because Walmart was taken?

teehee

I should mention that many, many of our customers are not retarded/annoying/zombies. Only some of them. And I won't even begin to tell you about people who walk into our (very obvious) pet store, with the usual birds, fish, cages, kennels etc, and then ask:

"Do you cut keys here?"
"Do you sharpen skates here?"
"Do you sell touques?" (touques are like, a canadian winter hat) I ask, "A touque for your dog?" "No, for me." *eyeroll*

And the ever popular: "What's the cheapest pet that you sell?" I usually tell them that perhaps a pet rock would be more up their alley.

Okay, /rant ...for now.

Comments

[accioslash.livejournal.com]

"What's the cheapest pet that you sell?"

Who in the hell chooses a pet by cost? My daughter costs me less money than my cats and I got most of them free. I'd fear for a pet rock with these people.

[gloredhel04.livejournal.com]

Birds are animals?! Since when? Next you're going to tell me cats are mammals or something crazy like that. Sheesh. *snerk*

Lol, these are great, Tripper.

Ooh, I want a touque for me my cat! Winters down here can be brutal, I need to be prepared. :D

[eruwen310780.livejournal.com]

oh, man. The nerve, the sheer *nerve* some people have - because I really cannot imagine that that individual was honestly mistaken about animals being or not being birds. Er, reverse that. You know what I mean... :)

Btw, can I get a hotdog and coffee to go at your shop? What you don't trade food, not even for money? *capsizes under ginormous wave of silliness*

[corvus-coronis.livejournal.com]

Some of those were right scary - like that woman going on about whether the birds 'hooves' should be cut off - you wonder what her mother must have been smoking when she was having her.

I read an article about an animal shelter who'd listed some of the more bizzare reasons why a pet was surrendered, i.e they had just redecorated their home, and the animal's coat colour clashed with the new scheme, or once when the explanation went something like: 'the dog's inferiority complex clashed with the children's superiority complexes'

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

yeah, people are strange!

I once had someone call to ask if I would take his rabbit because he didn't 'need it' anymore.

??? *mind flashes to chickens*

[canonfodder123.livejournal.com]

*giggles* hooves on a bird...novel idea though, cutting things off because they don't work any more *contemplates a number of things that could be applied to...*

Oh you must have so much fun some days! We used to get some shockers with the whole computer game help desk thing...but at least nothing living was involved!!!

[deadlyvelvet.livejournal.com]

Geeezzzz. I think the animals have more brains than those people. actually a rock would have more brains than them.

I did work experience at a pet store not long ago, but fortunately only had to deal with the animals not to customers.

Some people just should not own animals, as if you trade them like items :( Poor lovebird.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

We sell our cats for $100, and that includes their first shots, deworming and the spay/neuter. To pay for that yourself, you'd be looking at considerably more.

Even after explaining this to people, they're like, No, I can get a cat for free. Uh...yeah! *grumbles* *goes home and cleans gun*

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

What? Cats are mammals?? Nexy you're going to tell me that humans came from apes!

speaking of birds, we get about 100 calls per year that someone's cockatiel/budgie/canary laid an egg. What should I do? How long until it hatches?

I ask them how many birds they have. Just one.

Well, I'm no sex-ologist, but I'm pretty sure it takes more than one bird to REPRODUCE! Do you have a pet bird or an amoeba?

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

WEll, we do sell food, but it generally comes in the form of brown kibble! Not horribly appetizing if you ask me!

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

It really is sad, that sooo many stupid people are allowed to live and reproduce!

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Yup. I try to look at it as, Okay, this is my opportunity to educate these idiots, instead of letting it get me down.

Keep in mind too, that most of our customers and wonderful, animal loving people, so that helps me not get too depressed. (usually)

[gloredhel04.livejournal.com]

Oh noes! How long until I have little chicks coming out of my egg carton in the fridge? *is frightened*

Ooh, amoebas make great pets! Even better than sea monkeys. ;)

[accioslash.livejournal.com]

So many people are terrible cat owners. They never take them to the vet, get them shots or have them spayed/neutered. Or they have them de-clawed and then let them outside.

Every time I get a "free" cat it costs me hundreds of dollars, so paying $100 would be a huge bargain. I won't even get into the story of me adopting a cat abandoned at the vet after surgery and the vet not only had me pay for the surgery, but charged me a boarding fee incurred by the previous owner along with an adoption fee. Yep, they saw me coming.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

I've got a reeaaaaly nice bridge I could sell ya! :D

[almaxaquotal.livejournal.com]

oh man... i'm in tears laughing over the birds "hooves" - thats just genius.

I can't actually comprehend that people think you 'trade in' pets - like wtf is that all about?! Thats so not cool - a pet is for life dude!!

You should say the kittens grow to the size of an average cougar...