Family Drama
Jan. 22nd, 2014 02:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tripperfunsterUgh!
Long story short, in the last ten years, my father has gone from multi-millionaire to bankrupt. He earned each and every penny that he had, but through some bad business decisions and some even worse personal decisions, he is now broke and has been borrowing money off of anyone and everyone that he can. I haven't had much to give, but hey, he's my dad, and as much as we've not seen eye to eye my entire life, he's certainly helped me out financially, and heck, he's my dad, right? I've given him what I can.
So yesterday, my brother (who doesn't have a pot to piss in) calls me with a dilemma. My father (who has the same name as my brother) asked my brother to open a bank account for him. I guess my dad figures that since he still has some money coming in (from Canada Pension) that he can stuff some cash where his debtors can't take it away. Plus, he's found a nice cheap place to live, and he needs to write cheques to pay for said rent, and he can't really use any bank account that he now has.
Um. No.
The potential for my brother to get screwed over in this is astronomical. From my dad writing cheques that there is no cash for, to the government (Revenue Canada) finding out that my brother has a) opened an account under false pretences, or b) that he is aiding someone who owes tax money.
My father (of course) swears up and down that he would NEVER screw my brother over, he's not that kind of person, but I wouldn't put all of my money on that horse if you catch my drift.
So I talk to my brother, and we both pretty much agree on all of these points. He just wanted to bounce it off someone else.
When he calls my father back, my dad basically tells him that if my brother won't do this for him, he's going to kill himself. WTF?
I just about shit myself. What a douchebag. My brother has a long history of depression, and has attempted suicide on more than one occasion. Not for many years, thank God, but WHAT THE FUCK WAS MY FATHER THINKING? My brother's wife calls me back to tell me what my dad said, and she was going to call him and rip him a new one. I told her that I would do it. I am SO outraged on my brother's behalf!
When I called my dad, he gave me the big sob story of how shitty his life is, and he's sold anything and everything of value, and he's claiming bankruptcy and he's going to be out on the street if they don't get a checking account to pay rent on the new place with. I mean yeah, his life is really shitty right now. I get that. When I called him on his suicide threat, he sort of downplayed it, like, well, it's an option. He doesn't want to live on the street.
I pointed out to him that he has 5 siblings that might take him in, and his girlfriend's family lives in the country, and they could probably stay there for a while. Not to mention that he could come and live with us.
Dad: You're all the way in Winnipeg (he lives in Toronto) How would I get there?
Me: You still have a car, right?
Dad: I can't afford the gas to drive there.
Me: I will send you gas money.
Dad: Well … what would I do with all of my stuff? (furniture, like his bed, couch etc.)
Me: Well, we have lots of room here, and we have a huge shed that you could store your stuff.
Dad: No, that wouldn't work. I don't want to live in Winnipeg.
Me: … so you'd rather kill yourself than move here.
Dad: … yes.
Oooookay. Then I gave him shit for being an incorrigible asshole. If he wants to kill himself, it is his right to do so, but he CANNOT put that kind of pressure on my brother. My brother did not get my dad into this situation, and it's not his responsibility to get him out of it. I told him that I understood that he was desperate, but he could not shit all over his kids like that.
He then proceeded to tell me what a great dad he's been to us, and that we OWED him this. I told him that we both appreciated what he has done for us over the years (and left out what an incredibly shitty human being he is, because that is a conversation for a different time) and told him that asking my brother to do something ILLEGAL was not okay.
I then worked out a situation that might be a little more do-able and less illegal that might give him what he needed. My brother (who lives fairly close to my dad) will open a new bank account in his full name (which is similar to my dad's, but has a different middle name) and my brother will be the only person to have cheques for this account. My dad will get a bank card that only allows deposits, and my brother will write my dad's rent cheques for him. For some reason, my dad thinks that it's very important for his rent cheques to be in 'his name'. The landlord won't know the difference between the two names, but the BANK and the GOVERNMENT will know the difference!!
And, of course, my dad begged me to not tell my mom. *sigh* (they're divorced)
I told him that I'm not going to lie to her. I won't call her up and spill the details, but if she asked about anything, I will let her know what's going on.
Three years ago (before he was broke) he told my mom that he was going to take my brother and myself out of his will. My mom begged him not to, and I have no idea if he eventually did or didn't. I guess it doesn't really matter now, does it?
Long story short, in the last ten years, my father has gone from multi-millionaire to bankrupt. He earned each and every penny that he had, but through some bad business decisions and some even worse personal decisions, he is now broke and has been borrowing money off of anyone and everyone that he can. I haven't had much to give, but hey, he's my dad, and as much as we've not seen eye to eye my entire life, he's certainly helped me out financially, and heck, he's my dad, right? I've given him what I can.
So yesterday, my brother (who doesn't have a pot to piss in) calls me with a dilemma. My father (who has the same name as my brother) asked my brother to open a bank account for him. I guess my dad figures that since he still has some money coming in (from Canada Pension) that he can stuff some cash where his debtors can't take it away. Plus, he's found a nice cheap place to live, and he needs to write cheques to pay for said rent, and he can't really use any bank account that he now has.
Um. No.
The potential for my brother to get screwed over in this is astronomical. From my dad writing cheques that there is no cash for, to the government (Revenue Canada) finding out that my brother has a) opened an account under false pretences, or b) that he is aiding someone who owes tax money.
My father (of course) swears up and down that he would NEVER screw my brother over, he's not that kind of person, but I wouldn't put all of my money on that horse if you catch my drift.
So I talk to my brother, and we both pretty much agree on all of these points. He just wanted to bounce it off someone else.
When he calls my father back, my dad basically tells him that if my brother won't do this for him, he's going to kill himself. WTF?
I just about shit myself. What a douchebag. My brother has a long history of depression, and has attempted suicide on more than one occasion. Not for many years, thank God, but WHAT THE FUCK WAS MY FATHER THINKING? My brother's wife calls me back to tell me what my dad said, and she was going to call him and rip him a new one. I told her that I would do it. I am SO outraged on my brother's behalf!
When I called my dad, he gave me the big sob story of how shitty his life is, and he's sold anything and everything of value, and he's claiming bankruptcy and he's going to be out on the street if they don't get a checking account to pay rent on the new place with. I mean yeah, his life is really shitty right now. I get that. When I called him on his suicide threat, he sort of downplayed it, like, well, it's an option. He doesn't want to live on the street.
I pointed out to him that he has 5 siblings that might take him in, and his girlfriend's family lives in the country, and they could probably stay there for a while. Not to mention that he could come and live with us.
Dad: You're all the way in Winnipeg (he lives in Toronto) How would I get there?
Me: You still have a car, right?
Dad: I can't afford the gas to drive there.
Me: I will send you gas money.
Dad: Well … what would I do with all of my stuff? (furniture, like his bed, couch etc.)
Me: Well, we have lots of room here, and we have a huge shed that you could store your stuff.
Dad: No, that wouldn't work. I don't want to live in Winnipeg.
Me: … so you'd rather kill yourself than move here.
Dad: … yes.
Oooookay. Then I gave him shit for being an incorrigible asshole. If he wants to kill himself, it is his right to do so, but he CANNOT put that kind of pressure on my brother. My brother did not get my dad into this situation, and it's not his responsibility to get him out of it. I told him that I understood that he was desperate, but he could not shit all over his kids like that.
He then proceeded to tell me what a great dad he's been to us, and that we OWED him this. I told him that we both appreciated what he has done for us over the years (and left out what an incredibly shitty human being he is, because that is a conversation for a different time) and told him that asking my brother to do something ILLEGAL was not okay.
I then worked out a situation that might be a little more do-able and less illegal that might give him what he needed. My brother (who lives fairly close to my dad) will open a new bank account in his full name (which is similar to my dad's, but has a different middle name) and my brother will be the only person to have cheques for this account. My dad will get a bank card that only allows deposits, and my brother will write my dad's rent cheques for him. For some reason, my dad thinks that it's very important for his rent cheques to be in 'his name'. The landlord won't know the difference between the two names, but the BANK and the GOVERNMENT will know the difference!!
And, of course, my dad begged me to not tell my mom. *sigh* (they're divorced)
I told him that I'm not going to lie to her. I won't call her up and spill the details, but if she asked about anything, I will let her know what's going on.
Three years ago (before he was broke) he told my mom that he was going to take my brother and myself out of his will. My mom begged him not to, and I have no idea if he eventually did or didn't. I guess it doesn't really matter now, does it?
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no subject
Date: 2014-01-22 08:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-24 07:51 pm (UTC)Yeah, identity theft and possibly tax evasion.
My bro went for the 'safer' option, thank god.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-22 08:59 pm (UTC)People who had so much money, are bad poors. I don't know if I'm explaining myself. But I hope he'll learn to life with the money he has. And so he has a girlfriend, he's not alone.
I feel so bad for your brother too...
I hope the situation will change for better, but well, that's in your father hands.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-24 08:05 pm (UTC)Time will tell what will happen to him.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-22 09:16 pm (UTC)I think you did absolutely the right thing and the solution you came up with was a viable one. From what you say I'm still not 100% sure your dad won't find a way to abuse it, but it's a way of achieving what he wants without (hopefully) putting your brother at any risk.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-24 08:06 pm (UTC)And yes, he basically said that he'd rather kill himself than live with me. :D
no subject
Date: 2014-01-22 09:57 pm (UTC)I am no stranger to a primadonna dad, but the moment a parent starts talking about his children owing him jack shit is the day he lost long ago. You don't put offspring into this world with the expectation that they'll carry you through the life you failed at. And you certainly don't scoff at generous offers that are somehow inconvenient to you.
You seem like a really lovely person, and I'm very sorry this is something you have to deal with. For the record, I think you did so with a grace I myself would have had a hard time displaying. Well done.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-24 08:07 pm (UTC)Don't get me wrong, I was VERY harsh with him. Saying things like that to my brother was soooo beyond acceptable!!
I'm sure he didn't hear a word of it, though.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-23 07:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-24 08:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-23 12:09 pm (UTC)Seriously, you're a saint. Your brother is blessed to have you looking out for him, & your father is lucky to know you at all. Nothing like a father who's willing to throw his son under the bus to 'save' himself, & unwilling to accept a genuinely selfless offer from his daughter. I'm actually glad he didn't take you up on your offer though, for obvious reasons.
I miss my dad.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-24 08:09 pm (UTC)And hee! I am no saint, trust me. I ripped dear old dad a new one. (for all the good it did anyone.)
My brother has agreed to go with the safer banking option. It's all going down this weekend, so we'll see what happens.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-26 07:37 pm (UTC)I hope everything goes well for all involved. I may be turning into a pessimist (gasp) but I'd keep a wary eye out for trouble.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-24 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-24 08:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-24 01:56 am (UTC)god, family problems can be so crazy-making.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-24 08:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-25 09:26 pm (UTC)