tripperfunster (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tripperfunster) wrote2015-10-05 10:32 pm
tripperfunster) wrote2015-10-05 10:32 pm
Entry tags:
Frustrating family is Frustrating
Wow, I feel like I mostly only come here to bitch about my family and to post porn! :D
We recently sold our business and are in the process of selling our home so that we can move somewhere warmer. (relatively … we will still be in Canada …)
Anyhoo, we have a conditional offer on our house (they need to get permission from zoning to run a business out of the shed here, and they need to sell their house.) Needless to say, it's pretty exciting and also kind of frustrating, since we are kind of stuck in limbo until those two things happen.
I've contacted a Credit Union in the province where I'd like to move, and we've been approved for a small mortgage but it's at a fairly high interest rate, because (duh!) neither my hubby nor I will have a job when we arrive there. We will have a sizeable deposit for any house we buy (more than 4x the amount we were pre-approved for the mortgage) but I would really like the option of more money to get a better house and/or a lower interest rate.
So, I asked my mother (who lives across the country and is hoping we will move to be closer to her) if she might be willing to temporarily co-sign the mortgage. This would allow for a larger amount and/or a lower rate, and we would take her off within the first year when we have jobs and can re-negotiate the mortgage.
Now, I have never been unemployed in my life. Never. I haven't borrowed money from my parents since we bought this house 11 years ago (and they had just come into (literally) millions of dollars.) In fact, since my father lost all of his money, I have given him back around $20,000, twice the amount that he lent us for a downpayment here.
I am technically unemployed right now, as I SOLD THE PLACE WHERE I WORKED, and I'm waiting to move across the country, and yet I am still occasionally working in film and also occasionally doing eyelash extensions. We have enough money in the bank to sustain us until we move, and we will keep a bit of a nest egg to hold us over until we find work out there.
When I spoke with my mother today, she had looked into co-signing for us and I guess her bank told her it was a bad idea. Now, I don't really mind that she couldn't/didn't want to do it, but she treated me like I was stupid and possibly five years old.
"Have you thought about what you're going to do for work out there?"
Well, yeah. I have quite a few skills including hairdressing, eyelash extensions, managing a retail store, running/working at a stable/zoo/pet store etc. I'm not above working at a Tim Hortons if I have to. Whatever it takes to make ends meet.
"Well, have you looking into getting any of those jobs?"
No. I don't live there yet, and I don't have an exact date of when I will be moving. Most companies don't want to hire you when you DON'T LIVE IN THE SAME PROVINCE AND DON'T KNOW WHEN YOU WILL BE.
"*sigh* I don't know. I don't like things being so unorganized."
What? How is this unorganized? I've done everything I can to get ready, but short of owning a crystal ball, there's not much more I can do.
"Well, if I DO co-sign, you'll have to get a mortgage through (her brand) bank. (a bank which literally misplaced thousands of dollars of mine. They eventually figured out THEIR mistake, but treated me like it was MY fault for not combing though every invoice they sent and figuring out early how fucked up they were.)
Why mom?
"So I can check up on the account and make sure that you're paying it on time."
Are you kidding me?
"No. I have to know that you are doing everything on the up and up if my name is attached."
What have I ever done in my ENTIRE life that would make you think I wouldn't pay my bills?
"Well, I just need to be sure."
*pulls out hair*
The killer is, my brother/now/sister is the one who does that shit. Not me. It is ZE who comes running for money all the time. It is ZE who spends it on drugs. It is ZE who needs to get bailed out constantly.
And yet, it was ZE who just got money from my mother LAST WEEK!
I am really sick and tired of being treated like a second class citizen when my trouble-making/bad decision-making sibling fucks everything up and gets treated with kid gloves.
When I was 10 I decided to change my name. I didn't like my birth name and told everyone that I wanted to be called Tripper. My parents refused. For the past 37 years, everyone in my life (aside from my parents) calls me Tripper. My dad actually called my pet store once and asked for my 'real' name and he was told that he had the wrong number and was hung up on! :D My employees had no idea that Tripper wasn't my real name.
My brother decides to re-identify as a woman and changes zer name to Joy-Lynn and both of my parents IMMEDIATELY try to accommodate that change.
I'm not sure why I'm SO pissed today, but I am. Her attitude is nothing new, but it just chapped my ass today. And seriously, if there was ANY question about if I was moving AWAY from them or CLOSER to them, I will let you guess what I've decided. ;)
/childish rant
We recently sold our business and are in the process of selling our home so that we can move somewhere warmer. (relatively … we will still be in Canada …)
Anyhoo, we have a conditional offer on our house (they need to get permission from zoning to run a business out of the shed here, and they need to sell their house.) Needless to say, it's pretty exciting and also kind of frustrating, since we are kind of stuck in limbo until those two things happen.
I've contacted a Credit Union in the province where I'd like to move, and we've been approved for a small mortgage but it's at a fairly high interest rate, because (duh!) neither my hubby nor I will have a job when we arrive there. We will have a sizeable deposit for any house we buy (more than 4x the amount we were pre-approved for the mortgage) but I would really like the option of more money to get a better house and/or a lower interest rate.
So, I asked my mother (who lives across the country and is hoping we will move to be closer to her) if she might be willing to temporarily co-sign the mortgage. This would allow for a larger amount and/or a lower rate, and we would take her off within the first year when we have jobs and can re-negotiate the mortgage.
Now, I have never been unemployed in my life. Never. I haven't borrowed money from my parents since we bought this house 11 years ago (and they had just come into (literally) millions of dollars.) In fact, since my father lost all of his money, I have given him back around $20,000, twice the amount that he lent us for a downpayment here.
I am technically unemployed right now, as I SOLD THE PLACE WHERE I WORKED, and I'm waiting to move across the country, and yet I am still occasionally working in film and also occasionally doing eyelash extensions. We have enough money in the bank to sustain us until we move, and we will keep a bit of a nest egg to hold us over until we find work out there.
When I spoke with my mother today, she had looked into co-signing for us and I guess her bank told her it was a bad idea. Now, I don't really mind that she couldn't/didn't want to do it, but she treated me like I was stupid and possibly five years old.
"Have you thought about what you're going to do for work out there?"
Well, yeah. I have quite a few skills including hairdressing, eyelash extensions, managing a retail store, running/working at a stable/zoo/pet store etc. I'm not above working at a Tim Hortons if I have to. Whatever it takes to make ends meet.
"Well, have you looking into getting any of those jobs?"
No. I don't live there yet, and I don't have an exact date of when I will be moving. Most companies don't want to hire you when you DON'T LIVE IN THE SAME PROVINCE AND DON'T KNOW WHEN YOU WILL BE.
"*sigh* I don't know. I don't like things being so unorganized."
What? How is this unorganized? I've done everything I can to get ready, but short of owning a crystal ball, there's not much more I can do.
"Well, if I DO co-sign, you'll have to get a mortgage through (her brand) bank. (a bank which literally misplaced thousands of dollars of mine. They eventually figured out THEIR mistake, but treated me like it was MY fault for not combing though every invoice they sent and figuring out early how fucked up they were.)
Why mom?
"So I can check up on the account and make sure that you're paying it on time."
Are you kidding me?
"No. I have to know that you are doing everything on the up and up if my name is attached."
What have I ever done in my ENTIRE life that would make you think I wouldn't pay my bills?
"Well, I just need to be sure."
*pulls out hair*
The killer is, my brother/now/sister is the one who does that shit. Not me. It is ZE who comes running for money all the time. It is ZE who spends it on drugs. It is ZE who needs to get bailed out constantly.
And yet, it was ZE who just got money from my mother LAST WEEK!
I am really sick and tired of being treated like a second class citizen when my trouble-making/bad decision-making sibling fucks everything up and gets treated with kid gloves.
When I was 10 I decided to change my name. I didn't like my birth name and told everyone that I wanted to be called Tripper. My parents refused. For the past 37 years, everyone in my life (aside from my parents) calls me Tripper. My dad actually called my pet store once and asked for my 'real' name and he was told that he had the wrong number and was hung up on! :D My employees had no idea that Tripper wasn't my real name.
My brother decides to re-identify as a woman and changes zer name to Joy-Lynn and both of my parents IMMEDIATELY try to accommodate that change.
I'm not sure why I'm SO pissed today, but I am. Her attitude is nothing new, but it just chapped my ass today. And seriously, if there was ANY question about if I was moving AWAY from them or CLOSER to them, I will let you guess what I've decided. ;)
/childish rant
no subject
Maybe you should actually say this to them. At least get it off your chest because you are never going to win. Been there done that. You will never win. (Sorry)
Good luck with your move. Taking all the animals with you or are they part & parcel of the house sale?
no subject
They really don't know what to do with him/her, so they just enable.
It's actually easier now, because I KNOW that ZE has a shit ton of problems. When we were younger, I was really confused as to why HE would do crazy shit, and I would be the one who was treated like a bad kid.
Most of the animals will come with us. Chickens and ducks are pretty dumb (but cute!) but replaceable. My horses and goats and pig (and dogs and cats and tortoise) are all coming with!!
no subject
*hugs you hard*
no subject
Moving a couple of thousand miles away will be a balm! :D
no subject
no subject
Of course, they would never contact a professional therapist about the best way to deal with Zer, but just flail around and enable.
no subject
And I'd agree absolutely with dickgloucester's assessment above - this isn't a childish reaction you are having.
no subject
I don't know why she got under my skin so much. I generally just sort of coast with my parents. We have a distant yet tumultuous relationship, so I try to not get too emotionally involved.
*sigh*
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
Besides the injustice of your family…. congratulations for the change! Wow, such a big step in your life!
no subject
It might also be that I am adopted and he is not?
But more likely, that I call them out on their bullshit and he 'pretends' to be the good boy/girl. If you want to win my parents over, you have to pretend that they are always right.
no subject
no subject