Random Post is Random

[tripperfunster]

*siiiiiiigh* Some of you may remember my post about our trip to Toronto, and the crazy that my mother bestowed upon us. http://tripperfunster.livejournal.com/135986.html#cutid1
tl;dr: The downstairs neighbour complained that we were stomping around too much, and my mom spent the rest of our visit shushing us.

suffice to say, I found this both annoying and amusing. Of course, the joke of the trip became SHHHH! THE NEIGHBOUR! If someone dropped a fork, or made a sound when they moved their chair, or god forbid farted, me and hubby and the kids would (quietly) shriek OMG! BE QUIET! THE GRUMPY TROLL DOWNSTAIRS WILL EAT US! bla bla bla. Anyhoo, my mother has a GUEST BOOK that she makes us sign every time we visit. No, I am not kidding. So, when it came time to sign it this time, I wrote something along the lines of 'The Funster family had a stompin' good time, neighbour's be damned!'. No biggie.

Well, it seems that it was.

My mom called me about a week after we'd be home and FREAKED that I wrote that in her guest book. FREAKED. How DARE I be so disrespectful! How DARE I write that in her book. I had better ADJUST MY ATTITUDE or we would not be invited to visit her in the future. and on, and on and on and on. ????????!!!!!WTF?

So, we went back and forth a few times, me letting her know, in no uncertain terms that I am a FORTY YEAR OLD WOMAN, and my attitude is just fucking fine, thank you very much, and if SHE couldn't deal with it, then yes, we certainly would NOT be visiting in the future. It went deeper than that, of course, but really, I don't think I've fought with her like that since I was a teenager.

Six weeks went by, with us not talking, and today I got a letter in the mail from her. Suffice to say that her opinion of what happened has not changed. In this SIX page letter, she accuses me of being JEALOUS of her and her husband ... ?.... she thinks that my bad attitude comes from the fact that I was adopted (at the age of ten days old) and perhaps I am pushing her away because I'm afraid that she will abandon me like my birth mother did ...HOMFGWTFBBQNAZIS!!??11 (oh man, such a non issue I won't even go there)

And what did she ever do to deserve my anger and disrespect? She feels she has always been loving and caring and generous and giving towards me and my family, and yet, she gets shot down at every turn.

I really am at a loss at what to do/say to her. I mean, she's right (not about being jealous eeew) but yeah, ON THE SURFACE she is all of the things that she says she is, but in the 'alternate reality' that THE REST OF THE WORLD LIVES IN, she is judgemental, petty, A HORRENDOUS NAG and someone who will never think me or my children will ever be good enough.

My husband def sees her for who she is, but basically says that I can be 'right' and never get along with her, or I can be 'the better person' and just deal. I mean, it really doesn't matter what i say, she will NEVER see herself as wrong. She has a masters in denial, and seriously blanks out ENTIRE YEARS OF HER LIFE if they don't conform to the reality that she choses to believe.

As for me, i am really trying to figure out WHY she bugs me so much. Because she really does. I agree that I cut her NO SLACK when we're together. And sometimes I am an incredible bitch, when I'm really not in my everyday life. But she brings out the worst in me. When i know I am going to see her, I start to hear her negative voice in my mind, her constant judging and backhanded compliments etc. By the time we are actually in the same room, I'm already angry at her, because in my mind, she's been riding my ass all week.

The funny thing is, I am normally a very happy person. I love my life, I love my husband, I love my kids, I love my house, and my pets and PORN and my internet buddies and my fandoms and my job and and and and and. Hubby says that I am like a different person when I'm around her, and then, I'm back to normal once we leave. WTF is that about?

She is not an evil person, and i think she honestly believes that she does nothing wrong. But i still want to roundhouse kick her in the face when we are together.

DEAR ABBY, HOW DO I GET OVER MYSELF? And/or, what the hell do I do now? Write her back? Ignore her? Eat icky crow and cower and say, 'yes mommy, you are right, I wuz wrong and I'll never do it again?' I mean, worst case scenario, I only see her once a year, for about a week. It's not like we live across the street from on another. And I KNOW she will never see the light to her passive aggressive ebilness.

FLIST! SAVE ME!

Marineland
I never posted this, but I still giggle when I think of it. When we were at Marineland in Niagara Falls this summer, we saw the dolphin show, and at the end, they brought out a massive walrus, who did a couple of tricks (like waving, and nodding her head, etc) and at the end, she did a spin, but CRAPPED OUT BUCKETS AND BUCKETS OF WALRUS SHIT in a huge arc around her. This, in and of itself was amusing, but the ABJECT horror of the crowd was most amusing!! And then AND THEN!!! a seagull flew down and picked up a hunk of poop AND THE CROWD WENT BALLISTIC! And then the seagull ATE THE HUNK OF SHIT and i swear to god, people were swooning and screaming and I had MOTHERFUCKIN' tears of amusement streaming down my face. These people were so quiet, the whole show, clapping politely, but you know, sort of phoning it in, but they became a rioting mob of sobbing undead with the WALRUS POOP INCIDENT OF /09.

Okay, reading that last bit, yeah, maybe I DO need an attitude adjustment. :D

Comments

[leela-cat.livejournal.com]

Your mother sounds an awful lot like my mother and grandmother. I used to become a different person when I was around either or both of them as well. I finally figured out that it's because they know which buttons to push to make me react the way they want. And that gives the satisfaction of "being right" about me.

I stayed in touch with my mother through a long illness and I don't regret that, even though it just about killed me at the time. Staying in touch with my grandmother is that much harder and gets harder as she gets older.

My one rule now is that I never ever stay with a family member when I visit. I rent a hotel room and make sure I have "my space" to return to at the end of the day. I also make sure that I have things to do that are only about me or mine when I'm visiting. It's not much, but it really does help me stay on an even keel.

OTOH, if my grandmother had said something like that, I'd find myself need to respond, although I'd probably get my partner to read my response before I sent it.

And at the very least, I'd use it as an excuse never to stay in her house again.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Oh yes! i will eventually answer her letter, but my hubby will be doing a good proof read. He is a pretty even keel guy, and I trust his opinion.

Oddly enough, we don't actually DO much stuff with her when we visit. She'll come along sometimes, if we take the kids to the zoo or something, but they are really sort of detached in an odd way. I guess they are used to their own routine, and don't deviate from it a whole lot.

*sigh* Oh well. I think a hotel (with a pool and a massage) will be mandatory. :D

[leela-cat.livejournal.com]

Even if you don't do much with her, you don't get any space that's yours, so that you can catch your breath in between.

A pool and a massage, now that sounds like a vacation.