Parental advice, please.

[tripperfunster]

Even non parents are welcome to join in!


So, Harrison is a smart, fun, active 8 year old. He loves animals (horses specifically, but enjoys all types) drawing and video games. We limit his video game time to one hour per day, because he would literally play all day long if left to his own devices.

Now, the problem. Harry is prone to what my husband and I call "Hissy Fits." When things don't go his way, or he is 'slighted' or PERCIEVES that he's been slighted, he bascially curls up into a ball, shouts a bunch of things that he will later retract and shuts down.

No amount of talking, begging, bribing or threatening seems to help. In fact, it generally makes it worse. We have found, that if we basically ignore him, he recovers more quickly. If we badger him, it can go on for hours.

We've been very careful to not 'reward' his behaviour, by like, bribing him with ice cream if he chills out, etc and/or giving in to what he originally wanted. In fact, these episode are often not about 'getting something' (but sometimes are) but are more about ... god, I don't even know. He's really odd about being singled out. Or GOD FORBID made fun of.

When he plays baseball, which he really quite enjoys, he has informed us that we are NOT allowed to shout things, like, "Good job, Harry!" or other, totally normal, non crazy parent type things. He also will not 'perform' on demand. Be it at a school sing along, or by us prompting him to re-tell a funny joke infront of company, etc.

That said, he's not particularly shy. He has not probem taking with adults or other kids. Enjoys showing people how things work, or how things are done, and makes new friends easily.

The thing he CANNOT handle is change. When something new is coming up, we need to give him lots of warning, and given enough time, he can handle things quite well. But sneak up on him with news of an upcoming trip, or people visiting, and he might freak.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HIM!

The school principal just called. Harry is curled up in a ball, behind an easel in the classroom, and refuses to come out. The principal called to see if I had any idea as to why/how/what to do, and honestly, I'm flummoxed.

I will 'assume' that it is because school is ending in two days, which means CHANGE (good or bad, change is scary) and that's why he's out of sorts. As for what to do, i suggested he just leave him alone. He won't stay here all day, will he? I don't know!

PLEASE HELP ME!

Sorry for the ramble. Also, these hissy fits are only once to twice a month, and are often not predictable. It's not like EVERY time he doesn't get what he wants he freaks. He will often suprise me and be totally cool with change, and conversely, take me by surprise by freaking out over something that I have to inspect very closely to understand why.

Comments

[cyane-snape.livejournal.com]

I wish you luck with Harry. I don't really have any expert opinion at all, but I don't think leaving him behind the easel will hurt anything. I used to send my kids to their room, shutting the door...to isolate them. I know they had toys and things, but sometimes with mine, just being AWAY from what was going on was enough. If they had a tantrum and broke things, they would be tossed out and not replaced. Sometimes they'd scream. Every now and then I would check on them and say, "Good, you are all right. You are still punished." Sometime the screaming would start again, sometimes not. At least I was letting them know that I cared and was checking up on them, but that their behavior was unacceptable. As soon as they know they can get to you, they will use that tactic as much as possible. You just have to stick it out and be tough, while continuing to check on them. It's not easy, but you have to remain in control. You're the parent.

Good luck, I'll be praying for you.
Cyane

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I do send them to their rooms, but moreso when they're fighting with each other. grrrrr drives me crazy!

I will also send him away if he's being hissy, but at times, like when we are out in public, or he's at school, it's a bit harder to control.

Also, these fits are ... different. He occasionally has a tantrum because he didn't get what he wanted, etc, but these are more .. emotional. I honestly believe that he does not have the skills to control himself in these situations.

My goal is to understand WTF is going on in his head, and then to TEACH him those skills. It's the understanding his head that I'm kind of stuck at right now.

Thank you very much for the advice!

And yes, I do let him know that I love him, even if he's being bad, or even if I'm angry, the love is still there. :D

[cyane-snape.livejournal.com]

My two are five years apart and hated each other for most of their lives until the youngest went to college. That's when it gets easier. In public, that's always difficult. I would usually remove them from the situation and then either have a 'discussion' in the car[sometimes with a swat to the bottom, yes, I did that.] Usually I would drop everything and take them home, to be banished to their rooms.

If he's having these coping mechanism problems, why not ask the school counselor or have her/him recc someone you can ask for advice. Get a professional opinion on how to handle this, mostly for your sanity.