Parental advice, please.

[tripperfunster]

Even non parents are welcome to join in!


So, Harrison is a smart, fun, active 8 year old. He loves animals (horses specifically, but enjoys all types) drawing and video games. We limit his video game time to one hour per day, because he would literally play all day long if left to his own devices.

Now, the problem. Harry is prone to what my husband and I call "Hissy Fits." When things don't go his way, or he is 'slighted' or PERCIEVES that he's been slighted, he bascially curls up into a ball, shouts a bunch of things that he will later retract and shuts down.

No amount of talking, begging, bribing or threatening seems to help. In fact, it generally makes it worse. We have found, that if we basically ignore him, he recovers more quickly. If we badger him, it can go on for hours.

We've been very careful to not 'reward' his behaviour, by like, bribing him with ice cream if he chills out, etc and/or giving in to what he originally wanted. In fact, these episode are often not about 'getting something' (but sometimes are) but are more about ... god, I don't even know. He's really odd about being singled out. Or GOD FORBID made fun of.

When he plays baseball, which he really quite enjoys, he has informed us that we are NOT allowed to shout things, like, "Good job, Harry!" or other, totally normal, non crazy parent type things. He also will not 'perform' on demand. Be it at a school sing along, or by us prompting him to re-tell a funny joke infront of company, etc.

That said, he's not particularly shy. He has not probem taking with adults or other kids. Enjoys showing people how things work, or how things are done, and makes new friends easily.

The thing he CANNOT handle is change. When something new is coming up, we need to give him lots of warning, and given enough time, he can handle things quite well. But sneak up on him with news of an upcoming trip, or people visiting, and he might freak.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HIM!

The school principal just called. Harry is curled up in a ball, behind an easel in the classroom, and refuses to come out. The principal called to see if I had any idea as to why/how/what to do, and honestly, I'm flummoxed.

I will 'assume' that it is because school is ending in two days, which means CHANGE (good or bad, change is scary) and that's why he's out of sorts. As for what to do, i suggested he just leave him alone. He won't stay here all day, will he? I don't know!

PLEASE HELP ME!

Sorry for the ramble. Also, these hissy fits are only once to twice a month, and are often not predictable. It's not like EVERY time he doesn't get what he wants he freaks. He will often suprise me and be totally cool with change, and conversely, take me by surprise by freaking out over something that I have to inspect very closely to understand why.

Comments

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

My kid sometimes has tantrums, though not like what you describe. Usually they are about something. He's a year younger though, so also not the same.

Often (I wanted to say usually, but I'm not really that cool!) I ask whether he'd like company or would like to be left alone, and that by itself is helpful. Or I offer my lap but ask whether he's also in the mood to be hugged? That kind of thing--give him the choice of how to calm down.

He doesn't hide or have tantrums at school, and that to me is a bit of a red flag because it sounds like he can't stop himself in an environment where my guess is he'd rather not stick out. I think florahart is right and that it might be a good thing to (I scrolled up further and someone else also used "red flag" about the school thing!) get a professional involved to get a read on what might be happening. Though my first thought would be to ask the kid--preferably when you're in the car and not looking him right in the face? But like, really calmly and sneakily? Just to see if he is willing or able to tell you about what was going on.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

I asked him tonight, and he said that one of his friends was teasing him.

I don't really know if the key cause is really that important. I think it's more the underlying (or overlying) issue at hand.

And yeah, obviously his emotions get out of control, and he's unable to handle them.

We've had guests at our house, and the end of school are probably the overlying problem, and make him more ... sensitive?

I think we'll see what the summer brings, and possibly get an appointment with the school councillor in the fall. I mean, it's not like he's freaking out on a daily basis, but there is some cause for concern.

Thanks for the advice hon! <3