Parental advice, please.

[tripperfunster]

Even non parents are welcome to join in!


So, Harrison is a smart, fun, active 8 year old. He loves animals (horses specifically, but enjoys all types) drawing and video games. We limit his video game time to one hour per day, because he would literally play all day long if left to his own devices.

Now, the problem. Harry is prone to what my husband and I call "Hissy Fits." When things don't go his way, or he is 'slighted' or PERCIEVES that he's been slighted, he bascially curls up into a ball, shouts a bunch of things that he will later retract and shuts down.

No amount of talking, begging, bribing or threatening seems to help. In fact, it generally makes it worse. We have found, that if we basically ignore him, he recovers more quickly. If we badger him, it can go on for hours.

We've been very careful to not 'reward' his behaviour, by like, bribing him with ice cream if he chills out, etc and/or giving in to what he originally wanted. In fact, these episode are often not about 'getting something' (but sometimes are) but are more about ... god, I don't even know. He's really odd about being singled out. Or GOD FORBID made fun of.

When he plays baseball, which he really quite enjoys, he has informed us that we are NOT allowed to shout things, like, "Good job, Harry!" or other, totally normal, non crazy parent type things. He also will not 'perform' on demand. Be it at a school sing along, or by us prompting him to re-tell a funny joke infront of company, etc.

That said, he's not particularly shy. He has not probem taking with adults or other kids. Enjoys showing people how things work, or how things are done, and makes new friends easily.

The thing he CANNOT handle is change. When something new is coming up, we need to give him lots of warning, and given enough time, he can handle things quite well. But sneak up on him with news of an upcoming trip, or people visiting, and he might freak.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HIM!

The school principal just called. Harry is curled up in a ball, behind an easel in the classroom, and refuses to come out. The principal called to see if I had any idea as to why/how/what to do, and honestly, I'm flummoxed.

I will 'assume' that it is because school is ending in two days, which means CHANGE (good or bad, change is scary) and that's why he's out of sorts. As for what to do, i suggested he just leave him alone. He won't stay here all day, will he? I don't know!

PLEASE HELP ME!

Sorry for the ramble. Also, these hissy fits are only once to twice a month, and are often not predictable. It's not like EVERY time he doesn't get what he wants he freaks. He will often suprise me and be totally cool with change, and conversely, take me by surprise by freaking out over something that I have to inspect very closely to understand why.

Comments

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

I see that the 'a' word has already been mentioned by some people, so I won't hesitate to mention it myself. I'm an adult with Asperger's, and, yeah, I'd look into resources for kids with ASD. If nothing else, then because he's going to be a teenager in a few years, and trust me, if he's having meltdowns at school now, high school is ten times worse in terms of change and stress. If you get some support structures and routines in place for him now, he's going to cope better then. I went through high school undiagnosed and not knowing anything about autism, and my failures, fears and inability to cope with higher level education impacted directly on my self-esteem and self-worth. My diagnosis as an adult went a good way to restoring that, because I knew that it wasn't that I was weak or lazy or stupid - I'd just been squashed into a schooling system that was completely inappropriate for my individual needs and issues, and had predictably floundered. I didn't think I had enough traits for full diagnosis either, but the psychologist thought differently. Even if Harry grows out of a lot of his autistic traits and behaviours by the time he's an adult, right now, they're affecting his life. It must be very frightening for him that things don't stay the same, that he can't control his environment to the level he needs to feel secure. More than that, he doesn't know why he feels so afraid all the time. By doing research and letting him know why he feels that way, it's empowering Harry. It's an important step towards emotional control and self regulation. I say this as someone who has had to battle the same issues as an adult. Knowing why change and other stressors affect me so violently has given me the power to step back from the raw panic and work around it. I know it's because of my autism, and it's not because I'm weak or cowardly. It's because I'm wired differently. Often, that's enough to help me breathe through it and move forward, whether it's going to something huge like a loud concert (complete with earplugs and sunglasses), or just leaving the house to go to the shops.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing your story!

I suggested to him that we might see a doctor to help him with his issues and panic attacks, and he was actually pretty cool with the idea.