Parental advice, please.
Jun. 28th, 2010 10:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tripperfunsterEven non parents are welcome to join in!
So, Harrison is a smart, fun, active 8 year old. He loves animals (horses specifically, but enjoys all types) drawing and video games. We limit his video game time to one hour per day, because he would literally play all day long if left to his own devices.
Now, the problem. Harry is prone to what my husband and I call "Hissy Fits." When things don't go his way, or he is 'slighted' or PERCIEVES that he's been slighted, he bascially curls up into a ball, shouts a bunch of things that he will later retract and shuts down.
No amount of talking, begging, bribing or threatening seems to help. In fact, it generally makes it worse. We have found, that if we basically ignore him, he recovers more quickly. If we badger him, it can go on for hours.
We've been very careful to not 'reward' his behaviour, by like, bribing him with ice cream if he chills out, etc and/or giving in to what he originally wanted. In fact, these episode are often not about 'getting something' (but sometimes are) but are more about ... god, I don't even know. He's really odd about being singled out. Or GOD FORBID made fun of.
When he plays baseball, which he really quite enjoys, he has informed us that we are NOT allowed to shout things, like, "Good job, Harry!" or other, totally normal, non crazy parent type things. He also will not 'perform' on demand. Be it at a school sing along, or by us prompting him to re-tell a funny joke infront of company, etc.
That said, he's not particularly shy. He has not probem taking with adults or other kids. Enjoys showing people how things work, or how things are done, and makes new friends easily.
The thing he CANNOT handle is change. When something new is coming up, we need to give him lots of warning, and given enough time, he can handle things quite well. But sneak up on him with news of an upcoming trip, or people visiting, and he might freak.
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HIM!
The school principal just called. Harry is curled up in a ball, behind an easel in the classroom, and refuses to come out. The principal called to see if I had any idea as to why/how/what to do, and honestly, I'm flummoxed.
I will 'assume' that it is because school is ending in two days, which means CHANGE (good or bad, change is scary) and that's why he's out of sorts. As for what to do, i suggested he just leave him alone. He won't stay here all day, will he? I don't know!
PLEASE HELP ME!
Sorry for the ramble. Also, these hissy fits are only once to twice a month, and are often not predictable. It's not like EVERY time he doesn't get what he wants he freaks. He will often suprise me and be totally cool with change, and conversely, take me by surprise by freaking out over something that I have to inspect very closely to understand why.
So, Harrison is a smart, fun, active 8 year old. He loves animals (horses specifically, but enjoys all types) drawing and video games. We limit his video game time to one hour per day, because he would literally play all day long if left to his own devices.
Now, the problem. Harry is prone to what my husband and I call "Hissy Fits." When things don't go his way, or he is 'slighted' or PERCIEVES that he's been slighted, he bascially curls up into a ball, shouts a bunch of things that he will later retract and shuts down.
No amount of talking, begging, bribing or threatening seems to help. In fact, it generally makes it worse. We have found, that if we basically ignore him, he recovers more quickly. If we badger him, it can go on for hours.
We've been very careful to not 'reward' his behaviour, by like, bribing him with ice cream if he chills out, etc and/or giving in to what he originally wanted. In fact, these episode are often not about 'getting something' (but sometimes are) but are more about ... god, I don't even know. He's really odd about being singled out. Or GOD FORBID made fun of.
When he plays baseball, which he really quite enjoys, he has informed us that we are NOT allowed to shout things, like, "Good job, Harry!" or other, totally normal, non crazy parent type things. He also will not 'perform' on demand. Be it at a school sing along, or by us prompting him to re-tell a funny joke infront of company, etc.
That said, he's not particularly shy. He has not probem taking with adults or other kids. Enjoys showing people how things work, or how things are done, and makes new friends easily.
The thing he CANNOT handle is change. When something new is coming up, we need to give him lots of warning, and given enough time, he can handle things quite well. But sneak up on him with news of an upcoming trip, or people visiting, and he might freak.
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HIM!
The school principal just called. Harry is curled up in a ball, behind an easel in the classroom, and refuses to come out. The principal called to see if I had any idea as to why/how/what to do, and honestly, I'm flummoxed.
I will 'assume' that it is because school is ending in two days, which means CHANGE (good or bad, change is scary) and that's why he's out of sorts. As for what to do, i suggested he just leave him alone. He won't stay here all day, will he? I don't know!
PLEASE HELP ME!
Sorry for the ramble. Also, these hissy fits are only once to twice a month, and are often not predictable. It's not like EVERY time he doesn't get what he wants he freaks. He will often suprise me and be totally cool with change, and conversely, take me by surprise by freaking out over something that I have to inspect very closely to understand why.
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no subject
Date: 2010-06-30 07:00 am (UTC)People are recognising the behaviours. That doesn't equal autism but the behaviours are still the same and can be treated the same.
I think it was more people saying that if you look up ways to help behaviour associated with Asperger's you'll find ways that can help with these behaviours.
The diagnosis or not is irrelevant.
There's no treatment or cure for any of the Autistic Spectrum Disorders. You can treat the problems that occur like anxiety and issues with change and stuff and those treatments can be useful even if you don't completely fit under the banner of Autism of any sort.
I know over a dozen people that sit in various places on the spectrum and although there are many interconnected issues not all of them have trouble with social issues in the obvious way.
So I think rather than people going OMG your son is Autistic people were just saying that these behaviours have something in common and that's one place you can go to look for help in dealing with them.
Trying out techniques that can help with Aspie kids isn't going to be detrimental and could help someone who is at a stage of life they're obviously having a lot of trouble with. So I think that's why people were bringing it up.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-01 02:25 am (UTC)I think the reason it didn't cross your mind is you haven't lived with these sorts of issues day in, day out.
HA! I don't have it myself and I don't have kids, but wow have I dealt with it more than I ever want to.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-01 03:32 am (UTC)Nah, I don't think he would be diagnosed as such, but he definitely DOES show some of the signs, so ... who know? But like someone said above, even if he doesn't have ALL they symptoms, some of the strategies might help him deal with stuff.
*hugs*