Hard Questions

[tripperfunster]

My four year old son, Quincey is FULL of hard questions lately. ;0



Q:How do babies get INSIDE your tummy?
Me: Uh...the mommy and the daddy PUT the baby in there.

Q:But how?
Me: Well, the daddy has a 'seed', sort of like mommy's egg, and he puts it in her tummy.

Q: How?
Me: With his penis.

(we both laugh uproariously)

Me: No, really, I know it SOUNDS like I'm joking, but it's true.

Q eyes me suspiciously, to see if I'm really kidding or not.

Q: So, what colour is the daddy's seed? Black?
Me: *snickers* No, mostly white.

Q: Are you SURE it's not black?
Me: not that I've ever seen!

and then today;

Q:Why do people die when they're old?
Me: Um...sometimes their bodies just get worn out and don't work properly anymore.

Q:Are WE going to die when we get old?
Me: Probably. But I hope not for a long, long, time.

Q:Will we be in the same graveyard together?
Me: WTF???? Sure, if you'd like.

Q: Do you need your shoes on to die?
Me: HOMGWTF?? Do you mean, do you have shoes on when they bury you?

Q: Yes. Why do you need shoes?
Me: I don't really know. I suppose that it's tradition to dress up nice.

Q: Oh. I'm going to play the piano now.
Me: THANK FUCKIN' GOD!

*snatches him away and sticks him in a bubble where he doesn't have to think about sex or dying ever again*

Comments

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

My son is interested in this stuff, too. Death more than babies, these days. The most recent question was, "do boys get boys' cancer and girls get girls' cancer?" Oy!

I think it's funny that you both laughed about the penis thing. My son wasn't interested in how the seed got in there. Of course I used slightly obfuscating language, unintentionally. I realized that when he repeated back the words "genetic material." Whoops!

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Well, *I* laughed at the penis thing, because I knew he'd think I was kidding. I'm sure you'll find this hard to believe (NOT) but we joke around with the kids, quite a bit, and it's totally something I'd say as a joke.

One time, when we were on a CROWDED monorail at DisneyWorld, Quincey was misbehaving and I told him to calm down or I'd beat him. (Obviously joking, we never hit the kids). Harrison looked up at me, and very loudly asked, "Did you bring your beating-stick, mom?" I, of course answered, "No, they wouldn't let me take it on the plane." Hubby rolled his eyes and pretended to not be related to us. (although he's just as bad)

Quincey is endlessly interested in the whole reproductive process AND death. He's forever asking who came from who's tummy, when was daddy in MY tummy? Were he AND Harrison in my tummy at the same time? He also sighs loudly and laments that he was so, so lonely in my tummy because he was 'all by my own' in there. And also that he ate all my food when he was in there.

As for death, the other day he was 'writing cheques' (scribbling on scraps of paper) and he held one up, and proudly announced that "This chequce is for Grandpa Frank! (dead long before I had even met my husband). He then said "I'm going to tape it to his gravestone!" *snerk*

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

I do joke around, but I'm pretty serious and scientific about the human body, I'm sure to the point that I'm confusing my son!

[stephanometra.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHA.

Holy crap, dude, your child is adorable.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Hee, thanks! He really IS cute! My other son is a tried and true geek, who will happily corner you and talk about the life-cycles of butterflies and types of poisonous snakes, until your eyes roll back in your head and you fake your own death. :D

[stephanometra.livejournal.com]

You should post more pictures of them, because they are very, very cute and I like seeing pictures of cute kids. *nods*

[antisocial-nerd.livejournal.com]

Oh man, awkward!!!

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Yes! You know, I'd happily talk about sex and reproduction with him all day. It's the death stuff that I can't handle!

[accioslash.livejournal.com]

I really, really want to know why your son thought your husband's seed (ew. Spunk is soooooo much claasier) would be black. Was he perhaps thinking of seeds like in apples or pears? (And I'm not even going to tell you that I was sort of looking for a punch line to the 'are you sure daddy's seeds aren't black?" question.)

I plan to be buried in a food stained nightgown and no shoes so my family will recognize me.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Yes! Apple seeds! Thank you! I was totally stymied as to why he'd think JIZZ was black. He also asked if those seeds were in you pee. (I guess because you pee out of that thing too.) :D

Poor guy, he really doesn't have a hope of a real life, what with us as his parents! :D

Hey, I WANTED a black child, but my husband wouldn't even entertain the though. (aren't malado kids just the cutest???)

Food stained nightgown eh? I think it would be cool to go dressed as a pirate!

[accioslash.livejournal.com]

I think it would be cool to go dressed as a pirate!

Considering how much time your kids spend running around naked, you should be grateful if either plan to be buried wearing clothes. Shoes is just icing on the cake.

And I can't tell you how proud I am of you for answering your son's questions honestly. I'm amazed at how mealy-mouthed people are about talking about sex with their children. I'm especially astonished when I see examples from people whose perverted nature I've so admired in fan fic.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Yes. At the tender age of about 12 or 13, my mother gave me a pamphlet that was probably already old when her mother gave it to HER! It totally reminds me of the 'Fluffy Bunny' film the kids are shown on the Simpsons. It basically said that we are the weaker sex, and it's perfectly okay to skive off any and all physical activity when you have your 'MENSES'. *eyeroll* I mean, honestly, she would have done better to not say anything at all.

Needless to say, I figured it out on my own. (WITHOUT THE HELP OF THE INTERNETS, EVEN!) and when she finally decided to have 'The Talk' I already knew quite a bit more than she ever had.

So, worst case scenario, I'm already waaaay ahead of her on teaching my kids about smex. (hell, with all the smutty art around our house, I'll be surprised if they both aren't openly gay by the time they're in jr. Highschool)

;^D

[accioslash.livejournal.com]

At the tender age of about 12 or 13, my mother gave me a pamphlet that was probably already old when her mother gave it to HER!

Hon, I started my MENSES (gah) at 9, so it wouldn't have done me much good to have a phamplet at 12. And to give my mother credit, she actually handed me a real book with real answers in plain language and didn't even try to talk to me about it (thank God). It even had frank information about homosexuality and masturbation. Not bad for the 1970's.

it's perfectly okay to skive off any and all physical activity when you have your 'MENSES'

Well, now that's totally true. It's highly dangerous to engage in physical activity like cleaning or going to the gym during your menses. In fact, to make sure I don't accidently clean on the day my period is going to start, I avoid housework altogether just in case it comes early or something. I understand eating ice cream and reading porn is the only safe activity.

I'll be surprised if they both aren't openly gay by the time they're in jr. Highschool

Hey, no pregnancy scares and your wardrobe could potentially be tripled. Sounds like a win-win to me.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

You MENSED at nine? Sheesh, you wouldn't even have all of your adult teeth by then! I hope Harrison doesn't get his, 'til he's at least twelve! ;^)

I understand eating ice cream and reading porn is the only safe activity. I have that croched on a doilie in my hopechest!

Wow, I never realized that croched and crotched were so similar! And to think, I never took to yarn! :D And what the fuck is with the word doilie? doily? How the hell do you spell that?

[accioslash.livejournal.com]

Well, I was almost 10, but yes, I've had my period now for 35 years. I think that's more than plenty and welcome "the change." In fact, considering that I don't think there is anything that is tmi, I just this month missed a period for the first time since I was pregnant with Katie 21 years ago. It had certainly better be the change.

And it's doily (singular) and doilies (plural).

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

If you're pregnant, would you name it after meeee?

Oh yeah, I remember you once said that you'd name your next kid Severus, even if it was a girl! God, that kid's gonna hate you! :D

[accioslash.livejournal.com]

Well, you know what they say - I love babies. I just don't know if I can eat a whole one what with the surgery and all. I'm definitely not pregnant.

And as adorable as it would be to name a baby tripperfunster, I think I prefer Jennifer. ;D Though Severina has quite the ring to it.

[verdenia.livejournal.com]

This wiki page needs some work, but it is interesting. There are some slang pages that say malado or melado, but mulatto is the only word that gets a definition link on google. It may be considered offensive now though, with people preferring biracial or mixed race.

On the cute note though, my bf's brother in half-black, and he is gorgeous, zomg. ;p

Re: YAY TMI later in your thread, I'd had plenty of school classes by the time I experienced menarche--at 14.5! Bout a month before high school started, fortunately. LOL, I just kept it to myself and stole my mom's supplies for a few months until my sheets told on me. ;P
Just, y'know, private person [uh, especially back then]. But I found plenty of great sex literature... and I remember reading sex definitions out of the big dictionary a bunch in 4th grade, sometimes by myself, sometimes with a friend. :P

[verdenia.livejournal.com]

Oh, and dude--the initial entry is absolutely priceless and uproarious.

Thank you, and enjoy the treasure of his childhood. ;D