Hard Questions

[tripperfunster]

My four year old son, Quincey is FULL of hard questions lately. ;0



Q:How do babies get INSIDE your tummy?
Me: Uh...the mommy and the daddy PUT the baby in there.

Q:But how?
Me: Well, the daddy has a 'seed', sort of like mommy's egg, and he puts it in her tummy.

Q: How?
Me: With his penis.

(we both laugh uproariously)

Me: No, really, I know it SOUNDS like I'm joking, but it's true.

Q eyes me suspiciously, to see if I'm really kidding or not.

Q: So, what colour is the daddy's seed? Black?
Me: *snickers* No, mostly white.

Q: Are you SURE it's not black?
Me: not that I've ever seen!

and then today;

Q:Why do people die when they're old?
Me: Um...sometimes their bodies just get worn out and don't work properly anymore.

Q:Are WE going to die when we get old?
Me: Probably. But I hope not for a long, long, time.

Q:Will we be in the same graveyard together?
Me: WTF???? Sure, if you'd like.

Q: Do you need your shoes on to die?
Me: HOMGWTF?? Do you mean, do you have shoes on when they bury you?

Q: Yes. Why do you need shoes?
Me: I don't really know. I suppose that it's tradition to dress up nice.

Q: Oh. I'm going to play the piano now.
Me: THANK FUCKIN' GOD!

*snatches him away and sticks him in a bubble where he doesn't have to think about sex or dying ever again*

Comments

[accioslash.livejournal.com]

I think it would be cool to go dressed as a pirate!

Considering how much time your kids spend running around naked, you should be grateful if either plan to be buried wearing clothes. Shoes is just icing on the cake.

And I can't tell you how proud I am of you for answering your son's questions honestly. I'm amazed at how mealy-mouthed people are about talking about sex with their children. I'm especially astonished when I see examples from people whose perverted nature I've so admired in fan fic.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Yes. At the tender age of about 12 or 13, my mother gave me a pamphlet that was probably already old when her mother gave it to HER! It totally reminds me of the 'Fluffy Bunny' film the kids are shown on the Simpsons. It basically said that we are the weaker sex, and it's perfectly okay to skive off any and all physical activity when you have your 'MENSES'. *eyeroll* I mean, honestly, she would have done better to not say anything at all.

Needless to say, I figured it out on my own. (WITHOUT THE HELP OF THE INTERNETS, EVEN!) and when she finally decided to have 'The Talk' I already knew quite a bit more than she ever had.

So, worst case scenario, I'm already waaaay ahead of her on teaching my kids about smex. (hell, with all the smutty art around our house, I'll be surprised if they both aren't openly gay by the time they're in jr. Highschool)

;^D

[accioslash.livejournal.com]

At the tender age of about 12 or 13, my mother gave me a pamphlet that was probably already old when her mother gave it to HER!

Hon, I started my MENSES (gah) at 9, so it wouldn't have done me much good to have a phamplet at 12. And to give my mother credit, she actually handed me a real book with real answers in plain language and didn't even try to talk to me about it (thank God). It even had frank information about homosexuality and masturbation. Not bad for the 1970's.

it's perfectly okay to skive off any and all physical activity when you have your 'MENSES'

Well, now that's totally true. It's highly dangerous to engage in physical activity like cleaning or going to the gym during your menses. In fact, to make sure I don't accidently clean on the day my period is going to start, I avoid housework altogether just in case it comes early or something. I understand eating ice cream and reading porn is the only safe activity.

I'll be surprised if they both aren't openly gay by the time they're in jr. Highschool

Hey, no pregnancy scares and your wardrobe could potentially be tripled. Sounds like a win-win to me.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

You MENSED at nine? Sheesh, you wouldn't even have all of your adult teeth by then! I hope Harrison doesn't get his, 'til he's at least twelve! ;^)

I understand eating ice cream and reading porn is the only safe activity. I have that croched on a doilie in my hopechest!

Wow, I never realized that croched and crotched were so similar! And to think, I never took to yarn! :D And what the fuck is with the word doilie? doily? How the hell do you spell that?

[accioslash.livejournal.com]

Well, I was almost 10, but yes, I've had my period now for 35 years. I think that's more than plenty and welcome "the change." In fact, considering that I don't think there is anything that is tmi, I just this month missed a period for the first time since I was pregnant with Katie 21 years ago. It had certainly better be the change.

And it's doily (singular) and doilies (plural).

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

If you're pregnant, would you name it after meeee?

Oh yeah, I remember you once said that you'd name your next kid Severus, even if it was a girl! God, that kid's gonna hate you! :D

[accioslash.livejournal.com]

Well, you know what they say - I love babies. I just don't know if I can eat a whole one what with the surgery and all. I'm definitely not pregnant.

And as adorable as it would be to name a baby tripperfunster, I think I prefer Jennifer. ;D Though Severina has quite the ring to it.