Im on yr flist spammin yr internets! :D

[tripperfunster]

Okay, final post for today. (can you tell it's raining and I'm bored? The kids are milling about, so I can't draw or do 'research' *wink wink* so I'm spamming you guys instead!

I have a silly pic of me from prophecy, and a question, for my lovely flist:

First, the pic:

joanwilder aka Raewhit bought me a lovely gift. I opened the box and was like...WTF? I'm not terribly schooled in the land of smex toys, (aside from my trusty vibrator "Big Red",) but when I took them out, it became apparant. NIPPLE CLAMPS!

I, of course, had to get a pic with them! (and check out my kewl Snarry shirt!)








The question is...

What are your silly pet peeves in fanfic? (or art, for that matter)?

I don't mean legitimate ones, like proper grammar and spelling, or correct use of the english language, but what are your 'back button' triggers? What silly thing pulls you out of a story?

One of mine, that I found today, while reading an otherwise very entertaining House/Wilson story was thus: SHELL I'm sorry, I know that it's perfectly acceptable, but I HATE it when someone calls someone's ear a shell, or "shell of his ear" etc. I don't know why, but it bugs the shit out of me.

Now, I didn't hit the back button for that, but the story lost it's momentum.

You??

Comments

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

I don't mind the 'romanticizing', but erm...changing canon is just stoopid! If you want your character to fuck a Snape with blue eyes and soft hair, just have them mount Sirius already!

And really, there's nothing WRONG with shell, it just bugs me for some unknown reason.

[mieronna.livejournal.com]

Actually... I believe there are no true black eyes. Even the darkest eyes are dark brown, so that is perfectly acceptable. Everything else... no.

[recrudescence.livejournal.com]

Me. Fucking. Too. The "shell of an ear" phrase was kind of poetic the first thousand times. I don't mind "scroll" or "rim" so much since, well, ears do kind of scroll and they do have rims, so it actually makes some sense.

I also cringe over any sexual euphemisms that are just dirty. Trashy-dirty as opposed to sexy-dirty, if that makes sense. Stuff like "creaming" and "shooting his wad," unless they're being said by the kind of character who would actually use that kind of language, and even then, it's a stretch for me to buy it.

And...apparently, since the last time I checked my flist, you've upped your kink factor and started singing the National Anthem? So much productivity on your side, madam. Whoa. Congrats on getting the gig, and be sure to keep that picture away from the kids. =)

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

So much productivity on your side, madam.

Yeah, I'm so fucking cosmopolitan it hurts! =D

I must point out, that the clamps are attached to my SHIRT. No actual nipples were hurt in the making of that pic!

amen on the trash/sex talk. It begins to get a bit 'Hustler' sometimes! ;^)

[cnary-crem-dght.livejournal.com]

first those clamps look good on you ;D secondly i was thinking about this today when reading a pre-book 5 fic and I used to hate the term griffindork because it was everywhere, now i find it kind of cute... but really #1 pet peeve would probably be snapes silky hair. makes me want to keyboard pound. i think that Crisco uses Snape if they fail to produce enough product for the holiday season. Pam doesn't have anything on him. I'd love to see a fic that just revels in snape coating his hair with lard each morning before he goes off to work, or he uses the hair grease as lube for his many encounters during the day.

okay end of my minirant. lol

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Ha! Gryffindork IS cute!

I get around the greasy hair by making my other characters wash his hair for him. (okay, just once...) :D but it was pretty smexy!!

[joanwilder.livejournal.com]

So, you had to ask this question. Do you know that I've a Word.doc full of these that I send to authors I beta for (READ: if I see any of these in your fic, I'ma gonna beat you). Here are some of the worst:

1. He released a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding....

2. scissoring fingers.. GAWD. scissors cut! ouch!

3. pre-come. This one makes my teeth hurt. SPUNK IS SPUNK!!

4. And the number one offender, is LUV. I don't care who's calling whom 'luv', it makes me want to puke.

There. Did I alienate half our flist? Opinionated much, me? Nooooo.

[xingou.livejournal.com]

He released a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding....

OMG, YES! Could there be a more over used phrase in ANY fandom?

[joanwilder.livejournal.com]

Annnnnd, I admit that I've done this myself....once. *blushes*

[xingou.livejournal.com]

Most people have, and more than once usually.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

He released a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding....

Yeah, it's over done, but I must admit that I've been guilty of that one. I was going to to back and edit it out of my story, but then I thought...that would almost be like going back and 'fixing' artwork, years after the fact.

The only person allowed to say LUV is Molly, and only when talking to her children. (and Harry)

[joanwilder.livejournal.com]

Awww, not to be changing the tripper archives! They's history! Funny, the word LUV is forever BURNED in my memory from the first bad MPREG I accidentally read, misled by cyrianne, who I made suffer greatly, and she's still not paid up!

[joanwilder.livejournal.com]

Hee, those hit your buttons too, huh?

[dementordelta.livejournal.com]

Pebbled nipples! Every time I see that in a story, I think of those decorative pebbly slabs they make sidewalks around buildings out of!

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Bwahaha! thanks, I will forever think that now too! :D *snerk*

[gaycrow.livejournal.com]

Great photo!

Squicks for me:

the use of the word "bangs" for "fringe"

the word "hitch", i.e. his breath hitched

the word "ass" for "arse" ...

(I bet none of those bother you. ;D )

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

I know that the first and the last are 'British' things (and yes, I know you're an aussie) but why the middle one? Is that an 'americanism' too?

I must admit to using hitch. I LIKE IT! :D What would you say instead? His breath 'caught'?

[gaycrow.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's an "americanism" - it's more likely to be a "me-ism". :D

I dunno, I just don't like it. I always change it in my head (and when I print out stories) to caught, or if that doesn't sound right, I change the sentence slightly.

[xingou.livejournal.com]

...nice clamps. XD

Baby. I will hit back faster than you can blink if I see guys calling each other 'Baby' more than once. I just, no. I can't do it.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Baby. Luv. Hon. Yes, not terribly manly. If I wanted to watch women fuck, I'd look in the mirror! :D

[xingou.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

The word "bemused" only because it's very rarely used correctly.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

so tell us, oh great one, how IS it used correctly? Generally, when I've seen it, someone has a 'bemused' look on their face. Meaning, they are amused, but in an ironic way.

Right? Or wrong?

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

Wrong. It means, according to dictionary.com:

1. bewildered or confused.
2. lost in thought; preoccupied.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Thanks! You learn something new every day!

[almostlifesized.livejournal.com]

Nasty sperm words are just... urghh. And things like 'shoot his load' and 'jizz' and 'cream' unless said in jest during dialogue. And 'to knead the buttocks' I have no idea why, it just sounds so silly to me. Like it's pizza dough or something. And ass. Donkey? Where?

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Are you British? Canadians and amercians pretty much never say ass to be donkey, it's always your kiester! :D Actually, we usually say it more like "You're being an ass" meaning an asshole, or jerk.

[almostlifesized.livejournal.com]

I'm Norwegian, actually, but I might as well be British.

I know it's not supposed to be donkey, but 'ass' just sounds so silly to me. It's sounds a bit vulgar, and not fun-vulgar either:P Arse sounds more like... well, an arse. When someone writes ass I think of something that wobbles. xD It's okay in American stories, like a House fic, for instance but in HP? Bah.

[scarletscarlet.livejournal.com]

Clover clamps, innit? They're the prettiest :-)

(I like shell :). It makes me think of sunlight glowing through the roundy-bit on a big whelk-thing, warm and smooth)

Hrm. Things of bug... Although probably none of them will make me *stop* reading if the story is any good.

*Horrible diminutive nicknames, eg Sev/vie, Dray, Remy. Dray *kills* me.
*The word "normalcy" instead of "normality" - I know it's just an americanism, but it grates and pulls me out of the fic, because on seeing it my brain screams NORMALITY!! as a replacement.
*Character like Snape or Lucius using overly casual language
*Sometimes marriages weird me out in fic, if they seem contrived or the ultimate-end-goal of the relationship
*Love at first fuck *cough*Imayhavedonesomethinglikethis*cough* particularly when they're enemies or in an antagonistic situation eg captor/captive. Takes time, dammit!
*When Draco is "the blonde" and Harry "the brunet". Similarly, overuse of any of the following: onyx-eyed, raven-haired, obsidian-eyes, emerald-eyes, avada-kedavra-green-eyes, icy blue orbs, etc...
*Psycho screaming Ginny, evil money-grubbing Weasleys, unless it's somehow made plausible...
*Everybody Is Gay
*ohmygod, if Harry is actually the Lost Crown Prince of Awesomeland or More Pureblooded Than Thou, and that's somehow supposed to give him more credibility rather than being a great big flangsty millstone.
*OH MY GOD screaming orgasms all the time. This may be because I've never shagged a screamer, so it's a li'l hard to picture :).
*feminised Harry (etc). I don't mean genderfuck - that's fine and dandy - but when he's basically written as a teenage girl called Harry.

I should stop now, before I annoy everyone :). The list is only so long because I read so much, and love so many fics!

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Lotus clamps, I'm told!

I HATE 'older man/younger man and blond/brunette etc. Or in House fic, THE ONCOLOGIST/DIAGNOSTICIAN! UUUURRG! That really pics my ass. (arse)

[(Anonymous)]

AMEN! Who the fuck thinks of their lover as "the oncologist" while they're having sex? I mean, every time I read something like "The oncologist fondled House" I get a mental picture of Wilson palpating House's chest and testicles for tumors. Not sexy.

[corvus-coronis.livejournal.com]

Mine's mostly an art peeve, but if I see (1) a young school-age Snape that looks like he's about 30, or a mature snape that looks like a prettyeh pretteh boy, I. Will. Not. Save or Fave. I make an exception for Chibis, but not the rest.

Fic-wise, Ooc just makes me switch off like a light. Nothing wrong with stretching a character, putting them out of their depth so they act differently from normal, but it has to be believable & have a little bit of thought put into it. Mpreg is a fine line with me - if the guy stays IC and reacts appropriately that's fine, but if he turns into a wet fluffy dishrag now way. I'm also one of those that loathe speshul sekrit royal/High (Lotr) elven/vampire Veela prince!bloodline fics & non-Canon pet names/Canon ones being used more than the bare minimum.

Good luck with the Gig, btw!

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

I am generally not a fan of chibis at all. To me, they're like anime for people who can't draw. (and I'm not a fan of most anime).

speaking of which, (and I KNOW it's a legitimate art form,) but really, if the only way I can tell Snape from Harry is the glasses, IT'S NOT HP FANART! Really, JKR's characters are pretty physically diverse. (except Ginny and Lily). Why do people draw them so similar that I have to read the A/N to know who is who? grrrr

I also don't get the whole veela draco thing. Like...he's pretty enough, isn't he?

[umbrus.livejournal.com]

Random teleportations or glaring inconsistencies, like you know a character was just standing by one character and 2 lines down they are sitting at the other end of the room for no reason what so ever. (I might not be explaining that one right but something along those lines always makes me go "what?")

Also, really badly written smut that doesn't make sense from one line to the next, that makes me hit the back button or just skip over the scene.

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Have you ever seen the comm lj user="writers_orgasm">? It SOOO rocks with the horrid smut! You must check it out!

[carpet-diemon.livejournal.com]

Are those nipple clamps with peace signs on them? *squint*

Let's see... silly pet peeves. In art, I guess it's anything that reminds me of 9th grade art class... emphasis on bad vanishing points, flat (not deliberately so) colors, distorted lips.

In fics... Making Snape pretty. Making Lucius sweet. Making Harry a complete wimp.

Making any of the above a kitten for no good reason.

I guess the really odd peeve is when people go on and on about back story. If it's canon, everyone has actually already read it. If it's not canon, and it is so important, write it into the story, not just "ten thousand years ago Harry woke up and since then blah blah blah".

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

No, they're not peace signs, or not deliberate, anyway, it's just the mechanism, I guess.

Speaking of kittens, WHY DO PEOPLE MAKE SNAPE AND DRACO GET KITTENS ALL THE TIME? That would rank up with my fic pet peeves.

[theyreforrachel.livejournal.com]

Schweet nipple clamps :3

And to answer your question:

01. "His eyes were so blue that they seemed to look RIGHT INTO HER SOUL!!1!" never
02. The whole taller/shorter man or older/younger man thing.
03. the type of dialogue where we've got no idea who's talking AND IT JUST NEVER ENDS.